I'll be in my bunk...

Sorry, even as a dude I guarantee you that if Patrick Stewart put on his Star Trek uniform and said "commence sexual intercourse" panties would drop across the fucking universe.

Phrasing! Seriously, do you know how many euphemisms there are for...um...Lady Parts? We could be here a while...

So your Libertarian Boyfriend outsourced trying to reconnect with you to an enterprising third party with a matching skill set to save himself time, money and humiliation.

I'm sure there's also a Guy Fieri/some-sort-of-train/Flavor Town joke in there somewhere, but I just can't make myself go there. ;)

And what time is Maaaaatlock coming on!?

OK, Pinkham, clearly a clever and artistically inclined fellow Jezzie needs to create a Monogrammed Thermos Award .gif so you can award it on a semi-regular basis for the best (i.e., most rage stroke inducing) BCO story.

You're an official meme now! Your mother and I are so proud. Or are you not really official until the joke gets picked up by Big Bang Theory?

KFC's new Amateur Porn Dog (with Special Sauce).

Seriously, somebody should totally get nailed to something for upsetting the status quo with a message of love and inclusion and tolerance.

I'm also pretty sure it's at least one southern state's motto. Sounds much classier in Latin.

Well played! Atomic Buffalo wins all the internets today.

the point is to punish godless whores women in every way imaginable for asking to be getting raped and making pro-life politics messy and difficult.

Franks apparently believes "millennials" means people who are 1000 years old.

I guarantee you some sociopath junior partner at a finance firm is developing a CDO/junk bond based on restaurant plate rental revenue stream and trying sell it to gullible investors even as we speak.

I am totally changing my username to Splodey Nonsense

Double-plus Un-good!

15

I'm pretty sure sword-wounds, ax-wounds and arrow-wounds count, too. ;-)
Just nothing icky like dysentery, or doing stupid shit like falling overboard in your armor.