There is no spoon...

OK fellow Jezzies — We need a name and marketing slogans for a Christian energy drink. Go!

What kills me, but sadly doesn't surprise me in the least, is the complete 180 these losers do. Hulk date porn star — Yay! That's awesome, he's the luckiest guy in the world! And they project their own fantasies on it assuming it's all nurse uniforms and threesomes when he gets home from work (where "work" = beating…

If there are actually "semen connoisseurs" out there, they will eventually have to start hiring semen semmoliers. Thanks, Job Creators!

I think it's some sort of requirement when you're a Republican congressman. Because looking at medial diagram and understanding how Lady Parts work is exactly the same thing as watching tentacle porn. Plus it undermines "traditional" (joyless, sexless, steeped in 19th century gender norms) marriage.

Cage free sodomites lightly dusted in Fair Trade glitter.

I can totally picture Johnny Depp's version of Willy Wonka saying this.

Those were the guys who got kicked out of Insane Clown Posse, right?

Hey, not all rhinoseri!

Could there ever be more shocking words printed than "Lindsay Lohan is developing an app?"
Yes — somebody thinks Lindsay Lohan has $60 million.

Arizona might soon get it's own superhero to give Florida Man a little competition.

Might be slightly applicable to these people:
"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?"
Of course the dude who said that was probably some sandal-wearing, peacenik hippy, so what does he know?

Like others below (i.e., commentors on the is post, not the Cthulhu-sounding "Others Below"... which is a name I'm totally using in my next work of fiction) I agree with that sentiment entirely. But as a historian and historic reenactor I feel compelled to point out that that's a tough thing to do in short format like…

One of my new favorite shows as well. "Miss Mills" rocks in every imaginable way! Although I've yet to see much in the way of serious witchy power from Katrina besides getting a raven to carry her elderberry ink love note. Seriously, woman, turn someone into a newt or GTFO. ;)

How different might history have been had more people recognized that that long, crooked nose was more often than not a carrot tied on with string...

Actually, we can't hear your all's pain over the laughter (and eye rolling) at stories that sound like auditions for a Darwin Award and inevitably begin with "Florida Man..." ;-)

Mostly we can't hear your pain because we're too busy laughing (and eye rolling) at stories that sound like auditions for a Darwin Award and all begin with "Florida Man..." ;-)

The next season of Archer totally needs a running gag of him hitting on a rotating seletion of Fox news anchors. The fact that Kelly is also a mom just turns the whole thing up to 11. Assuming his relationship with Lana doesn't return to the wild sexytimes he remembers, projecting his sexual frustrations onto Meagan…

Hey, she paid good money for that Anglo-Saxon Übermensch Name Generator at Neiman-Marcus and she's damn well going to get her money's worth.

And shellfish! Would love to watch the reaction of the Tea Party's Bubba Gump contingent when laws get proposed saying: "Sorry, but your goyische traif violates my deeply held religious convictions. You'll just have to find a new line of work. I understand picking cotton has a long, proud tradition in Texas and offers…