I am so glad I was not eating or drinking anything when I got to "catcher's mitt of meat." That visual and metaphor are now seared into my sub-conscious.

+1000 Internets for the Pork Honk reference! You're on Ye Olde Horse Cart to Tittyville Flavor Towne.

IRRC Storm of Syphillis is also a high-level offensive spell in the new Dungeons & Dragons Player Handbook.

Huzzah!

To quote our good friend and Mythbuster Adam Savage: There's your problem right there: "College Republican." Anything following those two words can be pretty much ignored...unless it's "indicted" or "expelled." Or also possibly "closeted homosexual" — but that would actually have to come before the College Republican…

I'll just leave this here...

Wait, he comes home smelling like fish and she's got the woody? Someone mixed up my juvenile & offensive sexual stereotypes.

And when they scrape bottom and have to cast Guy Fieri, it'll be all about building a bridge to Bonertown! [Ed. obligatory joke about Donkey Sauce goes here]

It's the age of knowing what your made of...and punching E.D. right in the fucking throat.

That's just the way you grift 24-7-365. Seriously, cereal and Dr. Pepper on your registry!? That's some bald face griftin', right there. Poor Sarah Palin, dethroned as the Grifter Queen by someone younger and hotter.

Leave Dylan McDermott alone! Jeez. A guy cries and masturbates on on basic cable once (it was for ART!) and he constantly gets it thrown back in his face. I mean the thing that he did ... the acting...not the actual...never mind.
AHS jokes aside, I'd bet my mortgage you're spot on as well.

Qcumber is totally my my rap name. Or possibly a pervy internet meme using photos of Benedict Cumberbatch.

A logistical question from a guy who has never been on Tinder: how hard is it to block someone's profile in the middle of an exchange like that? I'd like to think that eventually that asshole would see some sort of "you cannot contact this account" right in the middle of typing one of his whiny, misogynist rants. Or…

I'd straight up rip off the Fight Club monologue for that image: "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everyone else."

...and sammich making machines. ;-)

So — male sports team members can drug a girl, film themselves raping her and they get a slap on the wrist because "think of their future, those poor boys-who-will-be-boys" but a girl who has miscarriage is automatically presumed guilty of being a baby murdering Slutzilla and gets a Ferguson-level police response?

As MC Wayne LaPierre would say:
"I got 99 problems, but getting a machine gun into the hands of a toddler ain't one."

And the award for Inadvertently Porniest Euphemism goes to...JurassicBark for "meat avalanche."

It's the culinary Murderhorn. (keeping with The Simpsons theme)

Mystic Skittles FTW!