But, you guys, it's us Democrats that are actually waging the War on Women because of...umm...wait, I'm pretty sure I had something for this.

Brilliant! And totally worth the near-fatal throat scalding they would undoubtedly deliver.
[insert obligatory drooling Homer .gif here]

I've spent a good deal of time at CW both as a visitor and a reenactor and they do not whitewash the slavery issue. And I say this as a left-of-center Democrat.

Tough call. Odds on favorites would be either gay sex (how loudly has this church condemned it? is there totally-not-homoerotic-Jesus-centric artwork on the walls?) or sex with an female under 18. What's the Over/Under on this, Vegas readers?

And by 'paraphrase' I mean: "completely fail to understand what Gloria Steinem was saying"

Watch for Subaru's new models in 2015: the Bryn Mawr and the Wellesley

Why, exactly the way God intended, silly. They could have never, ever have been genetically micromanaged via decades of selective breeding by gargantuan agri-business. Nope — they look exactly the way they looked 6000 years ago when they were the go to snack for our blonde, dinosaur riding ancestors. Take that, Neil…

And here I was thinking that Sock-Puppeting was great new euphemism for some sort of sad and only mildly kinky self-pleasuring done by strict conservatives who rail against pre-marital sex...kinda like Saddlebacking.

That's either the most brilliant faux branding for lower mid-market "ethnic" casual dining, or the title of some late 80's Italian nurse porn. I'm damned if I know which...

They made a Lego for Vegan Black Metal Chef!?

"Second Virginity"!? Do tell...

Grosser than saying your virginity belongs to your Daddy until he and Jeebus sign over your rights to the only man you'll ever have sex with...I mean "your husband"?

Yeah, so the vapid, second generation reality teevee star (double reality teevee, really, because teen preggers AND dancing with stars) is trying to lecture the successful lawyer and public servant about what exactly?

Brilliant. And while they're at it, it can only be made in XS so any time a girl who isn't literally starving herself to death tries to buy one they can get told they don't come in a size that large. Because why not give them a second helping of body shaming...

Wait, so in order to hunt down Santa (and one assumes neutralize and then field dress him along with rest of the flying, free range venison) I need "Tactical Balls w/White LED Rolling Devices"? Which sounds pretty painful. I am saddened to think my normal balls are insufficient to the task. Plus, who is going to see…

Next musical special guest: Meatloaf!

So who knows what breed they are? Bengals? Some sort of European tabby because of the Ocelot-style markings? ("Baboo! He remembers me!")

Well the doctor in the ER did actually say something along the lines of the eyeballs being still physically intact but that the optic nerves were destroyed. Not sure how that happens (and of you Jezzies out there med students?), but whatever. Cheaper practical effects than having to digitally make her eye sockets…

Messy Needy Necromancers is totally my new band name!