Yeah I know exactly what you are talking about. I know there is a slang term for it but I can't think of it so I'll just leave you with this:

Making hills would be complicated

Katie Dries: DON'T GET MAD.

"He brought her to my son's Bar Mitzvah."

I went to wiki to help answer this question, and apparently you can! It's harvested from the already-shorn wool. Now, whether or not you think shearing sheep is humane is another story entirely.

Vegan makeup? No fucking thanks. I don't want some untested plant shit on my face that turns my skin blue and gives me nose herpes. Fucking rub that shit on a rabbit and see what happens first.

Women with a murderous look in their eyes screaming at teammates is the greatest part of curling.

Shaddup, Lolo. You're a virgin who can't drive (a bobsled).

No, not any more than any other patient, really.

When I was 14 or 15, I participated in a summer live-in college prep program at the local university. There were, IIRC, 125 other high-school kids, along with a dozen or so staff and instructors. At the beginning of the program, they distributed a whole lot of paperwork that most people never read, including a list of…

WAIT SO YOU ARE JUST MAKING THIS UP THEN

He should've brought jewelry. That's an infinitely better idea.

I love that you can tell that Hozier is so happy to just be on stage with her. Which is how a new artist/old artist collaboration should be.

Did TMZ report how many of the paps are on their bankroll?

Fuck the media and its all-women-hate-each-other-merry-go-round-of-self-perpetuating-bullshit.

Well, she was an idiot. Your toes are fine. Sasha is fine. I can pick up a tennis ball with my toes and it has neither helped nor hindered me in any way. Except when I drop something.

I can help with the Indian version of this! We are all about that turmeric and chickpea flour face masks and all kinds of natural stuff. My grandma is 93 but most people think she's in her 60s.

I can actually help with the Filipino version of this, if you're interested. Maybe the ladies of Jezebel would like to know about the "kikay kits" we have filled with face wash and other things that make us look fresh-faced despite unrelenting humidity and the national obsession with skin-lightening treatments!

And like ... prosecutors are not going to be busting into your house randomly to see if you're sexing an unconscious spouse. If your wife is pressing charges, one can probably assume that she did not want to be sexed while unconscious.

Also, from time to time I will be contributing counterpoint essays to the Team Cat Headquarters blog. They have assured me I will have editorial control in all of my pieces. I assure you if this is not the case, I will resign my tenure as contributor.