I mean, shit, they managed to make fucking Las Vegas more trashier.

I highly recommend picking up the book, too: http://a.co/7DXaMTD

On the count of kick...kick.

I just poop at work because I like to think in that specific moment, someone is paying me to poop.

Spoiler Alert: The Internet will spoil everything. The solution is pretty simple...

You don’t mention it in your article, but there was already a Center Stage follow up movie released in 2008 called Center Stage: Turn it Up. It also stars Ethan Steifel, Peter Gallagher and Kenny Wormald.

I WANT TO BE MY OWN DISNEY’S ELECTRIC PARADE. I WANT IT.

New Oldsmobiles are in early this year!

They broke my watch!

No, a half-marathon is NOT “more than four times longer than” a 5K. It is more than four times AS LONG AS a 5K. In order for it to be four times longer than a 5K, it would need to be the length of one 5K plus an additional four times the length of one 5K, in other words 1x5K+4x5K, or 25K total, which it isn’t.

Won’t it be great when a barista comes forward to say that he paid with his State of Florida credit card, and didn’t tip?

Prom 2001 here. Yep, It was frosted eyeshadows, chunky heels and frosty matching dresses in pastels.

Say Yes to Distress

Every time a member at my church goes in for surgery or a medical treatment, the first thing we do is pray for the hands of the doctor, nurses and medical staff. Miracles are worked through their hands, denying the miraculousness of modern medicine is ludacris.

Once when the rodeo (truth- I live in a large city but it is still in the Midwest) was somehow in town, my bar manager gave me tickets. I went with my best friend, picked out the hottest cowboy, and decided that I was so going to fuck him.

This article requires Mark Schraber.

There’s a diner that I like to go to that has a Beyonce at the turn in. (It’s set back a bit, requiring a short jaunt down a dirt road.) Every time I turn in, I say “Knock knock, motherfucker.”

I got my mother a metal yard chicken for her birthday in December. It isn’t as big as Beyonce and looks a bit different, so…

Mosquitoes are the most dangerous creatures to humans because they spread so many delightful diseases. Hate those fuckers, it’s ok!