I had a 2,640 pound steel door crush me to the ground back in November and I'm not dead, a quadriplegic, a paraplegic , in a body cast, or dead. Did I mention I'm not dead?

I want a Beauty and the Beast library with a fully stocked bar. IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR

Pretty sure she's actually being ridiculed for having a 3000 square foot closet like a French royal before the fall, actually.

HAVE YOU TOLD EVERYONE ON THIS THREAD THAT YET?

Well I wasn't expecting to be doxxed today, and I'ma let you finish, but look... did you expect less from me?

I HAVE QUESTIONS. First, do any of the cats ever go on hunger strike to be all FUCK YOU I WON'T EAT OUT OF A ROBOT? Second, is there a weight limit for that scale because we definitely had this cranky bowling ball with legs that we called a cat for several years. My mother was mortified the day she took Fat Baby to…

This bears repeating.

Then it would've been, "Where is your father?"

The kicker being that, as long as I was demonstrating hustle and business savvy? Dad would've had no more problem with pasties than socks.

"If you had just gone to college ..."

Oh, FUCK YOU, lady. Fuck you so hard. Meanwhile Ellie Moore, you and I are BFF's now. It is decided.

The only time anyone ever dared to make a remark like this to me, I was working at Eddie Bauer on a morning shift. Some lady took umbrage to my (corporate mandated), "Wool socks are…

I swear to God, Putin. One more dick pic and we're bombing your ass back to the Stone Age.

They need to do a tap version of Godspell. Then we can gleefully say, "Jesus tap-dancing Christ" in retort to just about everything.

Much Words. Such Smugness. Wow.

Write some letters and tell them how you feel, you CAN'T be the only Mom who has a little girl who is rough on her jeans. Start a petition. Do something! Little girls deserve good jeans too and the company probably just didn't even think about it.

And if the company writes you back saying little girls should be in…

Just to nitpick but "The last couple of years have produced seemingly endless stories about the sexual assault crisis on American college campuses" has to do with better Title IX enforcement since 2011. Because it's suddenly being taken seriously on a national level that corresponds to us talking about it more and…

Remember Blockbuster's "No Late Fees" strategy? This is like that.

DADDY, NO! I do not approve of my daddy's four-and-a-half-life crisis.

No, allow me to pay for my own birth control out of insurance which is part of my compensation.

No, racism does not work both ways. Prejudice works both ways. But not racism. We're going to do math again, okay?

I have no sympathy for them whatsoever. They're every bit as freaky as the nanny. They violated really serious labor laws but still felt like they could play the victim to the police and the media. Read this interview. They honestly don't understand that there are laws that apply to employers and feel victimized by…