"Allow myself to introduce...myself." - Austin Powers & Aaron Hernandez

BOSH: Good God Doctor, should his head be fully grown already???

Guys. It's fucking almost August. The only thing growing here in Big D is a list of elderly deaths. Newsflash, our skiing sucks ballz too this time of year.

"Hmmm...Sign Cavani...or save Detroit. Tough one, no? No." -PSG

It's great. But Bolt is the Lebron of track, he's just a genetic freak made to run fast. He's so lanky, when he really gets cranking his stride just gobbles everyone up. He needed some motivation, this will only lead to another WR now that he has some competition.

To: Papa John's Driver

It's cool that all these guys are so tight, love the current PGA Tour stars right now, keepin' things fun.

Fucker looks like he golfs slow too.

Woo ha woo ha, Sherm's got y'all in check. Wow, dude looks like Busta in that pic.

Croc rapes pair of Air Jordans, has baby.

Ran track from middle school through NCAA's and semi-pro club. It's not just the hand timing, it's the hand. Wyatt Earp would be a little quicker on the button than Honey Boo Boo's Mom, you can have giant disparities with hand time for lots of reasons.

The press are making this into a David vs. Goliath upset. Hunt is a bad ass, he's been knocking people out for a long time, and although Struve is certainly an up and comer this was not a huge shock to see him get KO'ed.

Oh FUCK, now he's gonna get picked up by E and put on a show with the Joan Rivers. I will find it on my GF's DVR, she will have deleted Swamp People to make room...I end up in jail for murder 1. Fuckin' Canseco...

Because not a single shrimp gets tossed on the barby...until the salad is properly tossed. I use tongs myself, but whatev.

"Oh yeah! We were the first two beta testers for Viagra, that's how we met."

If Happy Fun Ball begins to glow, seek shelter immediately.

"Y'all are both some weak ass punks, gonna blaze all yo stats my first year in the League!" - Leon Sandcastle

Hell yeah France! Most entertaining Frenchy I've seen from y'all since that skunk/rapist cartoon I watched as a child.

"If it's all the same, it's Saturday night. I'm out." - NBC viewers, at 10:30 central

Glass actually shatters. These kids are fucked when they get Earth Science homework in 7th grade.