True story: during one of my Junior years at the University of Kentucky I found myself heading back to my apartment with a co-ed whom I met at the Two Keys Tavern. When we arrived at my place she we had a couple more drinks...messed around and then she asked if she could use my phone (pre-cell phones) to call a…

Just when I thought I’d heard it all.....

That is sooooo sublime. Well played sir....

No shit. It’s like your idiot fraternity brother that you give your term paper to and he copies it verbatim.

This dipshit Byrd is either corrupt or incompetent.

This was a miscarriage of scoring. Triple G” landed 218 punches and Alvarez landed 169. Alvarez landed 114 power punches and was on the receiving end of 110 power punches.

Amen!!! Who in the name of Hey-Zeus would buy her shit? 

Wendy Williams has had more bodywork done to her than a 72 Pinto.

A-mace-ing work by the police officer. 

I’ve heard a better cover of this song on a drunken Wednesday night at the Holiday Inn Rock Island Karaoke Night.

That’s a Day-Twa tradition. You know, the French city on the river.

You say hatch...I say shit.

To you “ladies” out there....do you like the whole “Abe Lincoln/Amish” look the Representative sports? I see a dude working this look and I immediately think he’s stuck in a time-warp and is ill-adjusted for all things post 1982. 

MMA is the only sport that I have no problem with the combatants jumping into the seats and beating the shit out of the fans. It’s like Meatheads gone Mad and everyone under the roof is a fucking meathead.

I can’t figure out if the merry-go-round of shitheads is primarily due to:

It that the comedian’s name? Lil Duright came to mind.

I’ll take Ape Tit for $800.

Yeah. That came about 4 months after I went out for lunch in Chicano (lived there) and my next conscious moment was waking up to a sunrise. In Ft. Lauderdale. Naked. On a beach. At sunrise. With no clothes. No wallet. No recollection.

The following is a true story. All of it. I hesitate telling it only because quite a few people have heard it and I run the risk of revealing IheartTurdFerguson’s identity. But Hurling plays a part of the story so here it is:

Near as I can tell the total carnage in the brawl consisted of: