Everyone at the Cannes Film Festival loves Amal, and no one at the Cannes Film Festival ever likes anything.

“Jewry.” Did Horowitz learn everything he knows about Jewish people from reading the Elders of Zion? Who talks like this? This screed felt so antiquated that I kept expecting him to drop the term “Jewess.” I knew how racist this country was but this election has really opened my eyes to how anti-Semitic so many…

uhhh no, ruby, it’s never okay to throw things at a person. if you were so offended by his jokes (and i’m sober too, i know it’s important, but really there is nothing someone can say that is so horrific about it) you get up and leave. miss me with this BS excuse

Tom Cruise is right to stay away from Suri. He, of all people, knows how dangerous evil spirits are.

Good.

And how he was the first (AND ONLY) character to figure out how Zeno was pitting people against each other and how it was all about revenge and useless, and he just says, hey, getting off the revenge train. Just does it. No doubts or angst or three movies worth of man pain. Just says, nope, clearly this is…

Or “the living still have need of you?” SPLOOSH.

Yeah his arc was great, especially considering how condensed it had to be in a movie with that many characters. I appreciated how quickly he was able to accept “okay, this isn’t the guy I want to kill after all so let’s adapt to this information.” Because plots of people trying to kill the wrong person get boring very…

You know they’re both dying inside here:

GOd I loved that movie because almost EVERY character had such good chemistry with each other! Esp. Bucky and Sam (who I maintain are in a petty harem fight over Steve)—they are amazing together. 10/10 would ship everyone with everyone

I can’t wait. I have pretty much zero knowledge of Black Panther but after Civil War I am ALL ABOUT T’CHALLA. He was just magnetic and makes me SUPER excited for his solo film. Chadwick was just incredible and really stood out.

How about a law that says that you can't hold pictures of fetuses within 2,000 feet of an elementary school? That seems more effective.

“proponents of the bill are defending it by saying that it’s necessary to protect schoolchildren from protesters outside the clinics”

This is my favorite Jezebel post of all time because I am easily amused and have had two excellent and generous glasses of cab.

Ted Cruz is DEFINITELY not the zodiac killer. He wasn’t even on this planet yet. So can we stop this ridiculousness! Everyone knows getting here from Gorrhruop takes at least a thousand years. And like once he got here he was so busy murdering neighborhood dogs and drinking the blood of ten thousand squirrels that he…

What look was Jeremy Beiber going for here? Dress me like a Vegas magician, only douchier?

Pretty sure Carly didn’t “fall” but rather was yanked down by the Devil himself

Rather than condemn millennials—and those, shall we say, contaminated by them—for shirking “responsibility” through discourse, let’s acknowledge our more pressing duty: to stop policing speech, and instead welcome the voices clamoring to be heard.

Ru Paul’s Drag Stampede

I’m trying to think of all the sassy comebacks critters with dyed tusks would say to each other.