What if...... hidden inside each book’s particular DNA lies its perfect sculptural expression? What might be that of Fifty Shades of Grey?

Donate them to people who enjoy doing book sculptures?

I work in a library and that book was soooo annoying when it was popular because it was the perfect intersection of “Oh god everyone wants this and there are a million holds on it” and “OH GOD this copy is sticky and water damaged (please be water please be water) and we have to throw it out so now there are fewer…

Please.

Yeah, man, it’s the sign on the door that keeps predators out of bathrooms.

Listen, when I worship Satan, it really important to me to minimize my carbon footprint. I clean my altar daily using all natural cleaning products by Jessica Alba and a bamboo washcloth.

I would like to start all of my correspondence with “Dear Moron(s).

Surely someone has created a no mess satanic altar with quick cleanup baggies?

Here’s how I relieve tension every morning by being mindful.

I wish they could just address every parent news letter with:

Every time you say “Namaste” an angel turns gay. Everyone knows that.

I think what she did was wrong and she totally should have been disciplined by the school. I don;t think anyone should be able to invade someone elses personal space without their say so. Her arrest is a little extreme though.

Kids, keep your hands to yourself. Adults, save the prosecuting for real crimes and how about just give these grabby kids a stern talking to and explain what sexual harassment is so they don’t carry this crap with them to adulthood.

Shorter Sen. Graham, “Donald Trump is insane and ruining my party and this country, and I’d prefer he pick the next Supreme Court nominee than the President.”

He is a hardline conservative on most issues who is certainly more in favor of boots-on-the-ground interventionism than the mainstream, but he’s not a “shut down the government” guy, nor is he a bigot or a cretin. Yes, he holds Republican party line positions on every issue, and no, I don’t agree with any of them. But…

I think most politicians are so carefully managed to avoid major catastrophic gaffes that they can come off as robotic - once they’re out, they can act like people again. Like, if Lindsey Graham had talked about murdering Ted Cruz while he was in the race, there’d have been three days of interviews where Ted Cruz…

This morning on MSNBC, he said “If Trump wins, we’ll have to build a wall to keep people IN.” And then “John Kasich would beat Hillary by eleven points, so obviously he’s out.”

Bigots, uh, find a way

Products that could have been affected were Rice Krispies Treats, Rice Krispies Treats cereal and puffed rice cake products, all of which would be past the expiration date.

This is precisely why I only have whiskey for breakfast.