this is me when trying to get the remote without getting off the couch

Just make sure it doesn’t taste like despair.

I disagree. I think this bride _should_ confront her friend about the lack of gift, so that the bridesmaid has the opportunity to shit in a box and mail it to her, but that's just me.

Wait a sec...so she doesn’t stop eating?

I think what makes me the most sad, and even MORE proud of Kiran, is that sometimes it’s a bunch of educated women doing the “ewwwww! how GROSS!” routine. I can handle Trump’s idiocy, that’s par for the course, and I can deal with dumbass dudes, but I just feel so defeated when I see women doing the same thing.

The comments I’ve seen on this item around the internet have been bumming me out. People (male and female alike) are losing their fucking minds over some menstrual blood that I would have thought was sweat had someone not circled it and told me it’s menstrual blood. They’re acting like the streets were flowing ankle…

lol same like my pants would have changed colors to dark horrifying menses scarlet

homegirl is fucking lucky as shit and also has the lightest period on god’s green earth bc if that was me please believe they would have blurred out my entire lower half and all 26 miles behind me that were literred w huge globs of my uterine lining.

It was the entire airport trying to load BCO at the same time...

Now I know, I KNOW, we’re soul brothers in kitchen arms. Waffles are clearly superior and the ONLY choice.

Many years ago at the group home for developmentally disabled teens where I worked there was a resident who really, really wanted to go to the best steak house in the city for his 18th birthday. He had behavior and anger issues, but was determined to earn that birthday dinner, and he managed it. So another staff…

When I hand it to her, I tell her, “No charge for the extra blood!” She doesn’t even blink, snatches the package and leaves.

I posted something similar on social media, but possibly more than any influence besides my family, Jon Stewart affected my political, cultural, and world view in my coming-of-age moments. He was the constant as I struggled (and struggle) to make sense of the mundane, tragic, and farcical. It’s true I had begun to…

What the fuck do these fuck-ups think happens on the fucking Internet? Did these fucknuggets just discover motherfucking online discourse yesterday? The fuckton of ignorance saddens me; they clearly did fuckall research on this. They were fucked out of the gate if they thought anyone would give two fucks for their…

What the fuck? Did this get posted to Pearl Clutcher’s Daily?

Honestly, I really wish you’d clean up your fucking language. My fucking, virginal eyes didn’t expect this kind of fucking behavior on the fucking internet. This is unbefuckinglievable that a blogger would choose to write in such a manner that is confuckingducive to the demofuckingraphic that he’s trying to relate to.

Of course there is a Comic Sans one.

“I’m allergic to chili peppers.”

I think we can all agree that the discovery of a meth lab in a Taco Bell was more of an inevitability than anything else.