Only live ones.

God, I needed this. I love all of these people in here, and give the Au Bon Pain woman a Kitchenette medal of food-related valor-ish stuff. Do we have those? If not, can we? Can we make them waffles? Does anyone have any waffles that they are not eating right, and can I have them?

I second this motion.

You shouldn’t. I am, however, INSANELY jealous that I didn’t say it.

All of this filled me coma-inducing levels of malicious glee. My good sir, would you like your internet tubes gold-plated or taken as is?

Eh, just say you’re planning on living forever and so far, so good!

This is all part of an elaborate scheme to...something. SOMETHING SINISTER, I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

So what I’m gathering from all of this is: mother’s longevity genes+spicy food all day every day= IEATBEES GONNA LIVE FOREVER

Jesus tapdancing Christ.

Am I the only one who read “fleeting cosmic juice”?

Thank God it’s Monday. It’s only appropriate I celebrate the commencement of my second job working in retail with BCO.

She was voiced by Whoopi though...

Man. I think the way Darla wrote her side was HUGELY unprofessional. I think we’re all agreed on that. However, I believe her. I’m completely on her side, and I’ve never waited tables a day in my life.

...

Omfg. All of this. I fucking love all of this. This post was sheer joy.

Omg. This has got to be one of the cutest things I have ever seen.

Delightful. All of this was simply delightful.

For the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster...WHY?!

Oh dear god, butter? Jesus Christ. And the red velvet thing sounds...just...I don’t have enough English. I can’t English.

They usually call because in their minds, WE broke it. And therefore we have to fix it.