I learned about that experiment years ago.

Imma let you finish but...

Meh, I'm part of the 40%. No health problems at all.

That's not almond milk, it's almond juice.

Pineapple on a pizza is repulsive and a crime against nature and the only people who like Hawaiian pizzas are pod people in disguise. This is a fact, shut up, I'm right.

STOP CORRECTING MY PERCEPTIONS OF CARTOON OWLS WEARING PEOPLE THINGS

WITH A SPECIAL HAT TOO

I started reading that thinking you were counting like The Count. And I got super excited.

Here's a good one.

Clearly, CLEARLY the only logical answer is three. How can you compete with that owl? He had glasses! AND A GRADUATES SQUARE HAT THINGY. Obviously the owl received some form of higher education and is a far more trustworthy source.

He's wonderful.

The old people need to stop calling about terrible picture quality on their high def TV and then complain five minutes later that they have bad eyesight and that's why they can't press the big green light shaped like an oval!

Me too!

What about old people eating peanut butter?

Story of my life.

You can cut them in water as well. He started doing that after I walked in the kitchen and flipped out he was crying.

Guyz.

When I was wee bee-eater, my fam was in San Diego to ogle the trapped animals. One night, we went to an Outback. The guy there was AMAZING. Called my dad "boss", memorized our orders, and went above and beyond for my sister and I, who were fanatically picky eaters. My dad stops him in front of the manager and handed…

Could they not just go to a different restaurant?

That's horrible! That's just...I'm so revolted.