The sad thing is, this is how the world really works.

Because when you want hard-hitting perspective about how the world really works, you go to a 24 year old blond who's putting together an audition reel for a sweet FoxNews gig.

The most memorable thing someone named Dylan at Colubmine High has done since, well...

Think Amber Heard is one of those ‘Oh, I don’t really get along with most other women, they’re so bitchy, you know?’ women?

Haha, I would if I could, they could still be coming, I have had two waves of mass follows by the sub blogs today so just hold on to hope!

I worked in an NFL front office for a spell (as a total lackey, this is not a humblebrag) and yes. When 90+% of your revenues are guaranteed for the year no matter what you do during said year, it’s not exactly a breeding ground for business excellence.

Well, I haven’t fought one person for so long. I’ve been specialized in groups, battling gangs for local charities, that kind of thing.

Maybe they’re just planning next season’s marketing push: “Get your tickets to see that Hamilton play!”

“yeah, get hooked on prescription meds like the rest of america.” - Signed The DEA

“Weigh your bowel movements using nothing more than the screen of your phone. Shittr: we’re innovating the future of health.”

That’s a distinction without a difference.

You would think this national embarrassment would lead to no one ever hiring a Brazilian pool boy again, but my stay at home wife STILL thinks Gabriel is just irreplaceable. sheesh.

Read between the lines: there’s only one reason celebrities are happy to see this dork.

Ah, the esoteric “Olympic archery truther”.

Oh, sure, only include pics of the most photogenic players.

Re: men’s gymnastics.

The ring movements are fucking extremely difficult. The amount of shoulder/arm/core strength and tremendous overall flexibility you have to have to even do any of the basics, poorly, is beyond your average gym bros comprehension.

How does someone get there? Just give up on life? The fuck, man! I wish Terry Tate Office Linebacker would come out and knock this sock-wiper guy the fuck out.

I’ll just lift up my leg and wipe the rim off with my sock, then go about my business as if nothing happened.

I preemptively feel bad for whoever his cutoff man will be.

This fan needs to remember what happened the last time a gorilla in Cincinnati didn’t respect its enclosure.