So clearly we should just let Texas secede, since everything about their worship of High School FOOTBAW~! is backwards as fuck.

“But you have your own plan?” Matt presses. Trump answers:

This is the world’s smallest violin playing just for the “content creators.”

My god, he really does look like Will Farrell ate 2-3 other, smaller Will Farrells.

God damn. If I can give one piece of advice to anyone in IT, it’s never work anyplace where you’re the only IT guy.

“Our network guy.” Yep, this is why nobody’s browsing is actively monitored. Nobody pays enough for an IT staff large enough to be proactive, much less monitor everyone’s browsing habits.

This. People are shocked when I tell them there’s no alarm in IT that goes off whenever the secure web gateway blocks something.

It’s kind of a ridicuoulous achievement, though. The team got hot for a handful of seasons in a time where drug use was rampant and the league was lopsided. Parity is enforced so hard today we’ll likely never see another dynasty like that. Like I said, four Super Bowls in six years long before many fans were even…

Four of them were in the space of six seasons a few generations ago and it took them a quarter century to win the next one. It’s not really that impressive when you think about it just a little bit.

Thank God. Rayna, Deacon and Rayna’s kids are the worst part of the show. If the first episode of this season starts with a simple title card telling me that they “died on their way back to their home planet” I’d be fine with it.

I thought it might be “u r not red e”

I feel like Trump campaigh speeches just use a form of Madlibs.

You and your boyfriend are awesome and outside the norm :) I hope you enjoy the ring and he enjoys...the WWE ring? Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Give it up, man (or woman?). This article actually says this with a straight face:

Jericho was trained by the lesser Hart brothers at their school. Stu would have been 75 by the time Jericho started and wasn’t taking anyone to “The Dungeon” by then.

Starred for “douche goblin,” my new favorite insult. Thanks!

More often than not, anchors are hired primarily for their looks. This goes for men and women. As such, they really shold not try to speak without a teleprompter because they’re typically not equipped, mentally, for it, and this is what you end up with.

I kept waiting for Teddy Long to come out and make it A TAG TEAM MATCH, PLAYA

I was thinking this generation’s John Rocker.