I will be happy if he doesn’t keep his campaign promises, of course, but what’s sad is that these people don’t realize he isn’t president yet and has no power to do anything.

While I was reading this, I kept thinking, “I’d move to Waco for Vitek’s”

He’s lost that illuminati glow.

If I were just shown that last picture with no context, I would never guess that was Dan Quayle.

What, did you know Jack Kennedy or something?

As my former roommate tells me after I asked when Obama tried to take his guns, “There’s still time.”

I was looking through Black Friday deals on Amazon earlier and saw the best Christmas sweater I have ever seen. Jesus and Santa high giving each other.

I was looking through Black Friday deals on Amazon earlier and saw the best Christmas sweater I have ever seen. …

Safe space? What do you think this is, a theatre?

I’ve seen my surgeon twice since October 26th and both times he’s asked if I was taking stool softener. I was doing fine, I thought, until I took a probiotic. Poops galore.

I was in the Hospital on October 26th having my third cranioplasty of the year. This one was supposed to be the easiest one, and it was, except for the staph infection and yellow goo coming out of my incision. In Texas early voting starts October 24th and I wasn’t able to make it there in time. No problem, I would…

Thanks for the ticket to Barf City, USA.

I’m not entirely sure that Pence wouldn’t make it worse.

Sometimes I have to agree, your a bunch of losers.

I think either way I am a stegosaurus filled with nachos. It’s not conditional on anything related to Gigi Hadid.

I created an account at Gawker when it came out that Tiger Woods was getting sex addiction treatment in Hattiesburg, MS. I had been a lurker but there was finally something relevant for me to talk about since that is where I lived at the time.

My childhood Wonder Woman costume was me running around my front yard in my underpants and tank top underoos. At that stage of my development I was not a whore. Perhaps the underoos were part of process that whorified me.

Obvs it’s a vast left and right wing conspiracy. And maybe a landing gear conspiracy.

MAKE AMERICAN HATS AGAIN

That’s so gay.