Oh, cool, I was looking for easy ways to invalidate their personal experiences.

This is certainly not a statistically representative sample of the military. But it is far from meaningless.

Nothing to congratulate yet! Maybe they were just really nice and they all read DS and think Rovell is a huge dingus and now I’m fucked

“I like the personal touch you can only get from hired goons.”

Haslam’s job openings, ranked by pay

Paying $100 to not get a job with the Browns seems totally worth it.

Well, the Browns do have an immediate opening at QB. No experience required.

This is smart. Why wait until the next draft to sign a QB?

Starred for church bitch eyes.

I feel like I have met a thousand of her wannabe clones in Orange County, CA with those dead, church bitch eyes.

I think we need to ease up on the poor thing. She’s trying.

These two twitter accounts are really important to follow for the next hour or so. Tweeting the NYT’s meeting with Trump today:

Is this in the Deadspin Hall of Fame? It should be.

I’ll bet he’s a Limp Bizkit fan.

The people in my life who were Bernie bros or other third-partiers and spent the last year DRAGGING hillary and then either didn’t vote for her when it counted or else smugly confessed to holding their noses and voting for her are now all upset and panicking and it makes me want to fucking scream.

“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! *runs into bedroom, slams door, cranks up music*

Careful, Comrade: talk like that will get you an all-expenses-paid trip to one of Trump’s stylish new resort gulags.

Hey, but at least we kept that bitch Killary outta office, amirite folks?

Stalin was known for canceling the careers of artists and musicians simply because he didn’t like what they did. When I read about it in grad school, I thought, “What a sad time to live in. I’m glad I’ll never have to worry about that.”

Hey readers! Please also welcome Armin to Foxtrot Alpha, in addition to Kyle. You may have seen Armin’s work at both Business Insider and Tablet, and we’re pretty chuffed to have him here. Let us know what you think!