As in, Lizer ass off!!

A co-worker of mine recently said that Hillary is as bad as Trump, just better at hiding it. Hold me back, ladies. HOLD. ME. BACK.

Fucking incredible. You’re getting a round of applause from this childless, lazybones stranger right now. You are a superhero!!

He’s also way too busy being my husband. FACT.

Yo, Professor Umbridge has some pipes!!

I worked (for a blessedly brief amount of time) for an awful, awful woman who was super into the Knickerbocker Club and that whole “scene.” The club and the people associated with it are just as horrendous as you think. Really are the trash of the earth masquerading as dolled-up dogshit wrapped in “old money.” Fuck…

Perfectly stated. Please never stop thinking this way. I know I’m gonna remember reading this next time I feel bad for feeling good.

Where can I learn to dance like that? What a cool move!

Well, Jenna does have some legal experience after her starring role in The Rural Juror.

butter-and-egg millionaires!!!

I think the answer starts with “p” and ends with “enis”...

I know Fred Armisen is a psycho but goddamn his expression here is perfect.

Wait is this real? Oh wow, it’s real. Why is this real?

You know what causes autism? Not using the word cockgerbil enough. Cockgerbil cockgerbil cockgerbil.

Ha! Mind if I ask what this is from? It’s making me laugh even though this story is making me vaguely homicidal.

She looks absolutely thrilled to be wearing that.

All the stars. All 50 of them!!

Holy shitballs, I forgot about that almost-book...

Did you ever find your car keys?

that’s a great line