It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of TWO THROBBING DONGS, must be in want of a wife.

Could someone please 'shop some ruched poplin skirts in there? Because that would be amazing. Like all Pride and Prejudice.

The cervix is a muscular sphincter. Imagine a tight knot in a rope. Now imagine trying to undo that knot with a slippery, rounded object. It's part of the reason labor is so painful. The cervix has to dilate enough to allow passage of a 7-8 lb bowling ball.

Mom: "How was school, dear?"

Hey, Matt Damon killed a guy with a magazine in the Bourne movie. So we could show that clip during inside recess on rainy days.

Do these suits have can openers attached? Asking for a friend.

You are not a fellow human. You are a reptilian tiny-armed beast of revenge. YOU ARE THE NIGHT.

They're usually in a box in the hall outside the office, colorfully labeled. Sure, that makes sense: lockdown announcement goes out over the intercom, have students line up, leave locked classroom, file down the hall, pick up a can, confront intruder armed with a semi-auto.

I ain't eating no off brand cream of mushroom soup with bullet holes in it.

This is what happened the last time I tried to wear string.

It sounds like the antibiotic is killing off your natural flora. This will give you stomach aches and loose stool (as your natural bacteria, which help digest food, is gone). Have some yogurt or kefir to help reestablish. Eat some every day that you're on antibiotics, and for a little while after.

DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. He will not stop hitting you until you are dead. Then who will protect your children? I understand you may love him and may want to keep your family intact, but you have to think of your children (and they cannot advocate for themselves at this point). It will not benefit the children (in any…

This. Nothing short of going into labor with joy when you opened the gift would satisfy that control freak. You probably won't be able to do anything right. Get the hubby involved in setting up limits and setting his mother straight now (as in, you don't like the way my wife reacts when given stuff, don't give her…

He sounds depressed and is sleeping it off. I do this. Don't know what you wanted to accomplish by doing what you did, but his response is not one of depression, but of revenge. He's telling you he's done. So are you. I feel sorry for your kids, because if you get split custody, they're going to be spending a lot of…

This is also written about a third grade level. Way to dumb things down for the evangelicals, Tennessee.

Looks like a breech birth. Or more like a baby being consumed.

You got this, girlfriend! Also, good riddance on the control freak.

Oh, so hawt. Good in the kitchen too, I bet.

Exactly. If I could star this more than once, I would.