She says he told her: “You know we’re going to have an affair, don’t you?” and, “Have you ever been to Peter Luger’s for steaks? I’ll take you. We’re going to have an affair, I’m telling you.”

I refuse to participate in the regressive fuckery that is “tall, grande and venti.”

Thank you for raising a decent human being. I salute you, and your son.

Who? People. Many people are saying it. Not me, but many, many people.

Seriously - if it were me I’d be tempted to say “Go ahead and sue the baby to get it. Want to garnish his wages?”

I made her mashed cauliflower for the billionth time

Clearly I’ve been living under a rock as I have never heard of this writer (pseudonym or otherwise) or her books.

Sadly, it also means that all teacher/student contact is strictly forbidden, even hugs, which breaks my heart a little for my little ones. They are now spending 7 hours a day with people who aren’t allowed to touch them.

It’s ok though, because as we all know, only gay people are pedophiles, and by banning homosexuals from being Scoutmasters, problem solved.

The original Milton Berle’s cock was never banned. Some douche stole his profile in an attempt to troll masquerading as him, which is why Milton Berle’s Cock changed his profile to MBcock. The troll was the one who got banned.

Don’t just blame the NRA, call the gun manufacturers out as well. They are the ones profiting from all the murder.

The one that finally bans them in the US.

Me too. I died inside that day.

This. Totally. Whitest freaking major city on the west coast.

Portland is white but it’s not that damn white.

That is nucking futs.

Fry’s Dog is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.

No American should suffer PTSD just from being alive in the world. I am so sorry. Like being a parent isn’t terrifying enough....

Behold Diego, a 100-year-old tortoise whose pure enjoyment of the simple act of fucking has made him the proud father of more than 1,000 turtle babies.

Have you ever seen a video of tortoises fucking? It’s absolutely fantastic. You don’t think of tortoises as making noise, but they do, and the noises they make - wonderful.