holy shit. i'm reposting this everywhere. best commercial for any product ever.

my obnoxious new pet name for my boyfriend is "maple bar." bar means boy! i keep slaying myself anew with how stupid this is.

@agave pulquero para mezcal: i was just IMing with my friend about this exact thing three minutes ago. shark week = no mood swings, just endless eating. glad to hear someone else has that too.

@Blodwynn: this! it's 80 degrees today and i had to walk a mile to the post office and back and was dripping in sweat! in seattle! unacceptable! and my shoes are all slippery inside—gross.

boyfriend's mother and stepdad are in town visiting (for the first time since we moved from new york to seattle). we've been dating for three years; i've met her like five times, each several-days-at-a-time visits. we stayed with them a couple months ago in florida.

@shaken.not.stirred: well, talent is subjective, but i personally found her to be pretty pedestrian as a writer. maybe she's better at it when she's not obsessing over herself.

augh, this book is so fucking vulgar and offensive. it'd be one thing if she could write worth a good goddamn, but it's just the smug, half-literate blog-babbling of a privileged lady-who-lunches, whining about her privileged childhood and refusing to be comforted by her privileges. that someone printed out and…

montana fishburne was arrested in . . . february?

this is giving me a stomach ache—i don't even want people looking at or thinking about the clothes of 9-year-old girls. DO NOT SCRUTINIZE OR APPRAISE CHILDREN. why does this even need saying.

re. pageant hair:

totally fucking stupid.

@MySandwich: that's actually a fantastic idea. i vote for this.

@hydrozoa: heyyyyy! long time no livejournal.

@taxbaby: how about this weather, eh? i just moved back to seattle after a couple years in new york, and i do not miss it at all on glorious days like this. the summer was like being smothered to death by a blanket.

i'm at work for another hour or so at, ahem, a very, very large software company in suburban seattle, and there's a giant rich-people's craft fair happening in the street outside my building, and i'm dying to skip out early and join all the neckscarved neo-hippieshit housewives in perusing the blown glass orbs and…

@Pennyfeather: you said "honey bunches of oats" and i was OH MY LORD THOSE ARE THE SHIT, I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF THOSE IN YEARS, HECK YES, and got really excited that someone else knows and likes them. but then realized that i was thinking of cracklin' oat bran.

deborah harry, a little bit?

my dad (6'5") was a drummer in a band and picked my mom (6'1") out of a crowd, saying he saw her dancing and liked tall girls. he's a giant nerd so i don't think he was too smooth about it, but i still think it's cute that he saw her from the stage. his line worked, anyway—they're still married, 40-odd years later.

@nestofvipers: OH, MY GOD.

so, like . . . how do people afford more than one pair? i have this friend who posts facebook photos of herself standing next to her lenscrafters-style rack of 15 different pairs of glasses, sweeping her arm over them like vanna white, and i'm like . . . doesn't that shit cost $100+ a pop? her insurance couldn't…