It’s worse when the baby is ugly and they ask, “Isn’t he/she soooooooooooo cute?”

You refuse to “like” multiple Facebook posts in a week?! I don’t know if you’re a rebel or a monster!!!

Worst for me was what I can only assume was food poisoning a few years ago. I rarely get sick enough to vomit, and it had been years since I’d puked. I made up for all that lost time and probably the next 20 years too in one day. My body purged EVERYTHING... and then kept on with dry heaves every couple of hours for…

We’re done here, thanks.

God damn did that last one crack me up!

First time on deadspin?

You misunderstand me. I’m friends with a shark bite victim so it’s cool

This is just like the time when I broke my hand playing Golden Tee, while drunk at a bar. I eventually recovered physically, but the mental scars remained. Can’t tell you how many times I was asked to play. But I just couldn’t.

If Thiel gets control, you might want to reconsider!

Vicodin on an empty stomach does that to some people. I recommend taking it with leftover grilled Domino’s pizza.

And a Vicodin.

Try pedialyte instead of gatorade. My borderline alcoholic friend taught me that.

We will never regret accurately reporting sports news.

The tears of unfathomable sadness!!!!!

Can we please do a double feature when the Sharks eliminate the Blues tonight??

SHARKS SHARKS SHARKS SHARKS SHARKS SHARKS SHARKS SHARKS

MEANINGLESS.

+1 cannonball to the gut

What a piece of work. I kinda respect/regret your uncle’s presumed* non-violent response.