(looks at Casio keyboard) (sees range of ‘brass’ sound pre-sets) Problem solved.

I keep wondering what’s the point of goddamned niche sub-sites if their dreadful content keeps getting shared with people that would never want to read it in a trillion years.

I don’t think so, that’s on Aykroyd and John Landis.

(scans the last ten pages of trifling output) Shit, the only thing that’s ever been spiked is your morning pomegranate emetic.

If I don’t learn about outrageous acts of uncivil on-field activities in the equivalent of single-A ball in Turkmenistan filmed on a circa 1998 Blackberry, I shall wither and die.

The It’s Pat movie has to be up there. Stuart Saves His Family? (cringe) Superstar?

Let’s not forget what happens when the Soviet bloc drops out and the US -are- the winners.

It’s a brand that tells you you’re getting crowd-pleasing, money-making, milquetoast, unadventurous, instantly forgettable ‘comedy’

“The ring came off my pudding can!”

He has his unfunny fingers in a lot of instantly forgettable pies; I think the sketch-to-movie format died out with NIght at the Roxbury and now he’s just greedily glomming on to SNL alumni projects, like Mean Girls/Portlandia/Maya Rudolph.

The SNL machine needs to get away from producing instantly forgettable sketches and back to its roots: instantly forgettable movies that started as instantly forgettable sketches.

The last time I saw baseball action this delusional, R.P. McMurphy was acting out a game in the Oregon State Hospital psych ward.

I remember Cutler’s gunslinging glory days from the aughts, in fact you can say I’m a little aughtistic.

(gen-X scoff) More like The Runaway Jitbag

Ever since I disabled most of the annoying elements on Gawker websites, this has become a fun, lo-fi guessing game.

(looks at top box office draws for 1985, sees Spies Like Us in the top 10) Well I’m hardly blameless, go on and see your garbage, young ‘uns

That’s too bad, I was looking forward to Kevin Greene coming off the blind side and obliterating Y.A. Tittle

Meanwhile, the St. Louis Ordinals are 2nd to none.

And just think, VH1 used to stand for Viewer Households : 1

(tearfully throws autographed 8x10 glossy of Roger Ailes in the trash)