I didn’t know that dried apples with wigs craft projects were citizens for purposes of Vice Presidential eligibility.

“What should we do about violent anti-government racists such as those who blew up the federal building in Oklahoma City or who bombed the Olympic village in Atlanta?” “Welcome them to the party and give them a gift bag.”

Mmmm... stale crackers.

In the spirit of this year’s games, it’s a citronella torch

He was basically Houston’s local equivalent of Rush Limbaugh, jumped up to State Senator (where he was loathed and ignored), so decided to run for and win Lieutenant Governor (so he could set a stupid agenda). This is because our electorate is shit and our Democratic party apparently launched themselves into space 20…

If that townhall included our/Texas’ disastrous shitshow of a former radio host of a Lieutenant Governor, then I’d be pissed even if I got asked 100 questions. He and his party are relics and have nothing to contribute going forward, and wouldn’t contribute even if they had something because they’re racist nihilists.

In all fairness, a Trump fundraiser where anybody shows up is far rarer than than a terrorist attack in Europe.

“Now that this episode is OVER, will you THROW your support behind a candidate?”

Nikki Cox: NOT BLIND

Something judgment-proof. I’m sorry, my English is inelegant. I meant to say stain-proof.

The Wire: five seasons, two nominations (both for writing, none for acting), no wins. Thus endeth your friendly curmudgeon’s Emmys coverage.

It’s not hard to see why, that John Fiedler-lookin’ mofo probably secretly parties heartier than all the members of Kingdom Come put together.

So “re-enacting scenes from The Rescuers” didn’t fly as an excuse?

Look, I’m a Rockets fan. I could criticize Daryl Morey all day (and I can, he’s an idiot who’s put everything in the Harden-and-oft-injured-players basket), but even if he started doing some ingenious now, like making a draft pick that had any shot of making the team, it wouldn’t matter.

I prefer to think of his sexual reproduction as either asexual or one in which he lays a bunch of unfertilized eggs and Mitch Albom comes by later to help create little tadpoles.

Going forward, it would be a great job worthy of coach of the year to get them to 50, replacing Horford with Howard and Teague with ??, although they may have gotten a long-term absolute steal with the draft rights to Taurean Prince. Who knows, that could be the #2 seed, although I’m yet to be convinced that in that…

That sounds more like wishful thinking designed to separate delusional Bostonians from their money. No other teams apart from the Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference should have even lines less than 1000-to-1, at least until Russell Westbrook gets traded to an also-ran.

Just think: his breathless, bouncy histrionics, but split three ways between these three asexually reproduced spore-children.

You know what they say, when life gives you a mediocre team winning 40-48 games every year just to get swept by the Cavaliers, make mediocre team winning 40-48 games every year just to get swept by the Cavaliers-ade.

Note to the GOP: ASJ is Italian, not Latino.