Can’t believe he didn’t get Jackie “Obama Should Be Institutionalized” Mason as the face of his extremely limited Jewish support, after all a few people did see Caddyshack II.

Trump, like Tebow, is a non-starter.

I still can’t believe those floor-cleaning robots have their own country

Does he call time outs by whoop whoop whooping and spinning around on the floor in a circle?

Considering that his (drippy Halloween font) ALLEGED sexual assault took place in mile-high Colorado, best not to utilize the attitude/altitude linguistic similarity.

(1) let’s establish that mediocrity/greatness meme using a generic VT basketball player, VT of course being the home of what must be 30 NCAA championships.

Here’s yet another commentary-less Mean Girls .gif to perfectly illust.. wait, this isn’t Jezebel

Blowing a .10 means that it’s a textbook case of BTRCGYBARPWI: Barhopping to Relive Collegiate Glory Years By Assaulting Random People While Intoxicated

“For this year, we’re changing our team name to the Alabama Crimson Asses”

Finally, two-in-one gossip that helps you sleep while you read it.

“Your office will be next to the Fox Business graveyard anchor’s office, Mr. Whitlock” “Sounds promising”

The highlight was in the 7th inning when they cut back to a visibly drunk Whitlock, having created a nacho pool on top of his hat and dipping torn-off pieces of hat-cloth into it.

Next up: developing a boat that, if DeAndre Jordan falls out of it, guarantees he will hit the water.

Just the one life? — Morris, spokescat for #NineLivesMatters

At one point earlier in the year nearly 72% of the legal resources in America were devoted to this monumental case, which is why we need to double the number of law schools in the next decade

(Mississippi State has great season) (takes UCLA job, breaks off communications with his former player-sons) You see, just like a normal family.

(reads horrific litany of crimes) (temporarily shelves Bluto joke)

I only recognize the true Canadian National Anthem: Take Off (To the Great White North) by The Mackenzie Brothers feat. Geddy Lee.

Further complications arise when three-fifths of Duran Duran succumb to manure-water poisoning right before performing ‘Rio’

They were unable to get either Mr. Curley or the assistant Athletic Director, Bill Short.