My favorite Effie Brown story:

Dick

Dear Patriots fans:

Nice! way to hate on a city because they were subject to a terrorist attack. you are a classy guy!

One for each of Brady’s concubines that bore his precious children unto the earth. Amen.

If the NFL had the Hunger Games with fans

“Mom, mom! Can I go over to Anthony’s house after baseball? He has the new Madden game and his dad said we could get pizza. Everyone’s going. Can I go? Please, mom? Please?”

“I am Legend.”

I’m guessing the microphone resting on his middle forehead somehow implanted a new device in his brain that makes him finally realize he’s got a micropenis. Then that implant transferred intelligence from the NSA that told him Miley Cyrus has a 4 inch clit. And his hopes of boning a boney, hoarse, anorexic looking…

Bieberbot has malfunctioned. Send in the repair technicians.

Hey Russell: Would recovery water also help me with the searing pain of cognitive dissonance? You see, I’m a Seahawks fan who enjoys the use of his brain, and you keep saying dumb crap like this.

+1 eats, shoots, leaves

It happens to the best of us...

+1 Brownback.

Your coach:

Coach: What the hell, Dee? Was he carrying a gun?

Praising years of mediocrity is like praising mayo for always being in the fridge whenever you need to mitigate the dryness of a sandwich.

In my close to 35 years on this earth, the most exciting I have seen the Chiefs be was under Marty Schottenheimer. They are the Blake Lively of the NFL. They’re on TV...but nobody is quite sure why.