Murray: Let me tell you a story about Cardinals fans that will show exactly what I’m talking about. I’m filming a movie back in the 80’s. Which movie it is isn’t important; I was high as a kite during filming it, that’s all that matters. Anyway, one day we finished shooting for the day, so myself and a cameraman named…

Except all of these guys are lacking good face. They’re either super smooth and girly or straight up ug. Chandler Parsons? I could roast a chicken in the space between his eyes.

Get some swimmers on here you fool.

“This is going to look great in my scrapbook!”

Those are God’s tears. He too voted for Omar Infante.

Your move, Tebow.

So are we gonna have a competition to see who’s the oldest virgin? 24 year old and never even been kissed here.

Once again, Russell proves how good he is at stopping just short of the promised land.

That’s a false statement. I’m also not having sex with a very attractive Russel Wilson....Wait, what?

“[Ciara] was on tour, and I was looking at her in the mirror, and God spoke to me,” Wilson said in an interview with a San Diego pastor.

[Picking up my low-hanging fruit and going home]

completely untrue, I didn’t have sex with Ciara all day today, just like him

Yeah, but unlike Russell Wilson, I can masturbate. So there.

To make it worse, Russ isn’t having sex with far, far more attractive people than you aren’t.

“Hey Russ, we know you want $25M a year, but what would you do if we took all that “extra stuff” off the table, and just did it Jesus’ way?”

I’m pretty sure even Jesus would be banging her, Russ.

this guy should know by now not to get all fancy trying to score- just pound it in. I swear some people will never learn.

Saving this gif forever and ever.

Hopefully they share a certain fetish so that we can finally get

And don't forget to subtract a full lane for "designated IOC officials only". I can picture everyone just using it flipping the bird as they drive/crawl to their destination.