Ben: I refuse to sit next to you as you continue to make a mockery of our heritage.

Half of the Bengals fan base is in Kentucky, so they're equally as confused about why kissing their sister is deemed a bad thing.

Hey damn it! This is football, not fútbol. Somebody ha to win, or the terrorist do.

"Failure is not getting knocked down. It's not getting up."

Still on sale, ladies:

Deadspin HOF

Let this be a lesson to you, would-be hecklers. Telling the team that you want a pitcher and not a belly itcher is letting them know exactly how to ruin your day.

He went to today's game at Dodger Stadium with just enough clothing to keep him clear of the law, cracked open two Dos Equis tall boys, munched on a hot dog, and soaked up some rays.

As a 20s/30s KC resident here are some simple equivalent sports experiences so outsiders might relate:

"Saluting The Motherland"

Indictus

Fever Pitch A Tent

das maadschaft

That has got to be the most desperate hide-the-boner-hunch-maneuver in the history of awkward boners. My 13 year old self getting the aggression boner in middle school gym shorts doing pull ups finds that embarrassing.

Poor kid is so terrified he's been reduced to sitting on his own stool.

When I was younger, my neighbor used to let me and my friends play in his pool and make dunk videos like this all summer long, until he just decided out of the blue one day that it wasn't "safe" anymore. What a dick, right? You were the worst neighbor ever, Tommy Lee.

Yea but this cover ain't for you, homie.