I haven’t tried it personally. I can't tie knots. I saw Mitch McConnell do it while cheering for a Starbucks grand opening next to a local coffee shop. After he was done, $1,000,000,000,000,000 dollars gently fell around him to keep for himself - tax free.

Piss up a rope

I know, right? 

That’s fine and all, but please get New York off of any category that has the word “Midwest” in it. I don’t care how many Crayons you don't have, that shit ain't right.

That's how things get handled when you play baseball.

alrightythen

There is no such thing as a cool Cubs hat.

Bricktop put the fix on.

Thankfully, I gave up on drinking.

Yea-uh!

I’m not so sure that this is “irony.” Do you know what IS irony? Flint tap water.

It's not too late to call your parents. 

Patience...patience...

Flagon. Nice touch.

Balmy Take: Autograph collecting is a pathetic hobby.

Even your brief description is painfully beautiful to imagine. Thank you, fellow C & H aficionado.

There was NO need to bring this back up.

I hope he’s only doing the youth football camp for the money. Youth wouldn’t learn anything useful from that nitwit if he was instructing in any way.

Did you and the fearless author of this piece dine together at the Sarcasm Cafe? Did you share a plate of Sarcasm Kabobs and a Sarcasm Fresca?

Exactly. If that jackoff gets off on a technicality, someone in the evidence room better sell that footage. I am certain that I wouldn’t get away with something like this, so he should burn legally or by public humiliation.