Abe looks like he wants to ride the lower level of the GW.

Man Searching For Someone To Blame For Being Complete Idiot

I read that she's been mutton bustin' since she was three. You'd think she'd be ewes'd to it by now.

For a guy his height, I expect his chin to be at the rim if we're going to say he got "way up there". I mean, some people look down into the basket when they go for a put-back dunk.

You mean LeBronahawk dunk.

I've been a Celtics fan for most of my life. I remember the Antoine Walker hype in the 90's, and the unexpected draft of Paul Pierce that resulted in an Eastern Conference Finals appearance that would be the farthest I would see the Celtics advance for many years. The abysmal seasons that would follow produced such…

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OH MY GOD you sound like the hugest fucking tool and it is awesome. Do you listen to Rainbow Arabia? Were you as impressed by Buke and Gase's last album as I was? Don't you think Flume's debut was a little overhyped? And when will Freelance Whales finally get there due? O PLEASE FILL MY ASSHOLE WITH YOUR WORTHLESS…

This is my favorite thing that Deadspin has ever produced.

Eastern conference scout: The MPG is a wash, and Rajon may drive better and handle like a dream, but he simply can't compete with America's Best Warranty.

Arms, torso, legs... and what appears to be an ass. Yep, it's all there mostly.

"I got a couple girlfriend questions...Some awkward, 'Sure, she's got a huge rack, but does she have a motor?', or, 'Yeah, I'll bet she's a wiz polishin' the ol' knob, but does she have a motor?', or, 'Now I can tell just by looking that she fucks like minx, but does she have a motor?', stuff like that."

I detest nearly everything you've ever written on race in America, but I couldn't possibly agree more with what you've written here. Nicely done.

"Many, many years" for hitting a chick? I think you should check that math again.

Like, these two people, like, speak in, like, a way that it's like-it's like it's barely tolerable to read what they, like, say.

The best thing about this is the motion of the goalkeeper's body as he watches the ball curve impossibly into the post, as if to say, "Pfffft, there's no fucking way that's goin-holy shit it went in."

There is no single "best way" to get over a break up. How long were you dating? Why did you break up? Were you friends first? Would you like to be friends eventually? What personality type are you? These, and many other factors, determine what is the "best way" to get over a breakup. Every relationship is different.

But did it make the Fox Sports Live Top Half Dozen???

It's always a race thing with you, isn't it Doug? Never once have I seen you comment on long jump or pole vault. Typical.

Before I die, I