I use denture tabs to clean mine every day, which is necessary because they are truly disgusting after a night of being repeatedly coated with slimey saliva.

“I thought the criminal justice system was perfect in 99.9 percent of the situations.”

Oh my god your comment totally looks like a dong...

This is the most important article the Takeout has ever written. Not even kidding. It needs to be an ongoing series. Perhaps a follow up: “Will This Cheese Grill”?

In the psuedo-professional football system, Manziel based offenses are considered especially heinous.

In the AAF, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups. The players who were suckered into wasting months of their life, and the owners who will somehow cash out and profit on an obvious disaster. These are their stories.

Why the fuck are you putting your onions in the crisper, Magary? WHY ARE YOU REFRIGERATING YOUR ONIONS? 

“I got that offer, and I kind of was like, ‘Dang,’” [the well-coiffed gentleman] said.

A word of warning: Swans. Are. Worse.

Just popping in here to say Drake’s is a wonderful brewery. 

I do not want to see Robert Kraft given a blowjob, but I do want to live in a world where the video of Robert Kraft getting a blowjob is widely available.

I can’t be the only one relieved not to find myself in there.

Here’s a pro-tip. Keep your kids at home until they can behave. Here’s another, even if they can behave, don’t take them to bars, or grub-pubs where adults are trying to have a good time with other adults.

Bottle Bash is quite popular at my BBQ’s.  You need to be able to throw a frisbee and hold a drink at the same time.

Bottle Bash is quite popular at my BBQ’s.  You need to be able to throw a frisbee and hold a drink at the same time.

Goddamn, man. This being Deadspin, I want to make a joke...but I just can’t; nothing about child abuse is humerus.

God I love arugula, and arugula with a lemon-parmesan dressing is amazing, so I bet this would be amazing as well!

Says LBJ wasn’t engaged during their 2010 FA presentation.

I disagree that schmaltz would be an OK substitute for feet. You want collagen, not fat.

What eats me is that so many of his supporters continue to swallow his line about “loving our big, beautiful military,” but the fucking grifter is literally raiding the military budget pools to pay for his vanity wall.

I cannot understand what it must be like to live in a consistent state of pronounced cognitive…

Depends on the size of the hospital. The main issue causing a hospital to “ban” VBAC’s is lack of 24 hour anesthesia. Way more hospitals than you would think (or hope I guess) do not have an anesthesiologist in the hospital 24 hours a day. Without that, ACOG guidelines say you can not do a VBAC. So that eliminates a…