George Carlin. Three times, because the realization Donald Trump is president would kill him again the first two.

God, that line at the end. Crying at my desk. Thank you for writing and publishing this.

bulleit bourbon is my go to. Also, hello neighbor! I grew up in Napa :) I’ll have to find some Sonoma Distillery next time I go home

I live in the Central Valley, it’s going to be 104 degrees today. I LAUGHED at Niners’ fans complaining about the heat. I went to a game in Sept. and thought I was actually going to die. It’s a fucking solar oven. 

You don’t read Ratto for word economy, you do it because you LIKE reading and appreciate good writing. There are a lot of fantastic writers here which is why I’m still around every day despite being an old who’s lingered since the Leitch years and now only has about 3 non-fantasy sites in the daily queue. I sincerely…

But he stood on her throat and didn't kneel, right?

The pride shirts are better than the UFC’s WE ARE ALL JEW-JITSU passover shirts.

What you just described is the standard way two people split powdered drugs. One person makes the lines, the other picks.

Sausage. Because we make and grind our own, in-house. No fillers, no crap. 100% quality pork sausage—and it goes on raw, on top of the sauce, under the cheese, so it can cook while in the oven.

I’m just waiting for them to pull out the beer pong table like it’s it’s freshman year of college again.

Drake: I’m going to be the most dislikable courtside presence ever!

Just means Steph’s gotta be more shellfish and take 30 shots.

I tried recreating it at home and that is basically what I had to do. My version was not nearly as good.

You sound like every resident of the Carolinas who drives five under the speed limit, directly beside someone else, holding up traffic in both lanes for miles. 

The machine apparently works fine now, though CSUEB music students can’t get high off it anymore.

Our whole nation seems to be governed by the sunk cost fallacy.

The team clarified that next to Theismann’s name is not actually the retired number 7, just a picture of his tibia.

Emerald Nuts has dill seasoning flavored cashews and they are CRACK!

These have been around for awhile and are quite good but can’t beat the salt & vinegar ones for pure enjoyment with a beer!

I’ve written this before, but I once had a sandwich of pulled beef and shredded tongue on homemade sourdough with arugula coulis and some chili sauce; this was after the whole thing got dunked in the gravy. It’s been ~20 years, but this sandwich HAUNTS me.