In trial, Fogle reportedly sobbed as he recounted how he’d hurt his family and his wife, who would be a single mother should he go to prison.

Any song that mentions San Bernardino is OK in my book

what do they expect me to do at work now?! ACTUAL WORK?

A plague on both your houses.

Go stand in the corner and be ashamed.

Yup.

I blame the English language. It’s not Natasha’s fault that “All you can eat” can be singular or plural (and boo to Denny’s for taking advantage of the ambiguity). This wouldn’t have happened in Shakespeare’s day. When the tavern had an “All thou canst eat” special, everybody knew it only meant thee, not thy whole…

She’ll have a wonderful time for sure and there is never anything wrong with making sure that women who travel are well informed on how to stay safe, aware of their resources and surroundings. You’re a good friend for wanting to draw information for her from any resources, even gawker comments. Fuck the naysayers and…

Somewhere, Jim Gaffigan’s nodding, thinking to himself, “Yeah, I can relate,” with four Hot Pockets on a small plate in front of him.

It’s really not that much of a coincidence.

Overall, it’s a pretty safe place. Just like traveling anywhere, you have to be aware o what you are doing. But most WWoOFing is very safe. As they’ll be traveling together, that’ll help, too.

It was just an honest question?

I never understood it myself. Back then it was supposed to be a beautiful life event the parents just had to record for posterity and share with everyone. These Kings and Queens of TMI are the same folks who are shaming today’s youth for selfies and youtube videos.

With my first, they had to irrigate the hell out me during the pushing, so when he came out, he was squeaky clean just about...it was quite a relief to my husband who gets queasy at the sight of blood or goo (but he was a trooper). With my second, she came in 3 pushes and looked like the creature from the black lagoon…

They really are, mine was plopped on me all slimy and red and angry! She was an ugly little potato with torticollis. But now that she’s 10 months she’s a beautiful chubby thing that at time looks like a cross between a Lego and Patton Oswalt

I hope you subsequently spent 49 hours beating him with a fucking stick.

Mine pulled that. He also pulled the “I had to do the diapers and stuff.” Didn’t matter that I couldn’t walk, was in constant pain after the emergency c-section. I also got to hear after we left, “so, does this mean we can have sex, since your vag didn’t split open?”

My husband left during my 24 hour induced labor to go to the gym and get something to eat. And after I had an emergency c-section and was loopy from pain meds and weepy because my mom was 1,000 miles away, he didn’t sleep on the pull out couch in the room, he went home so he could get a good night’s sleep. I divorced…

I’m more offended for her in that her husband stated she is as beautiful as a newborn. Do not compare mothers to shell-less turtle, alienoids.

guys that came out way more sad than i meant it to be

real conversation i’ve had with a tinder date