Starred because this fellow English major is laughing.

Just turned 45. Is my advanced degree going to save me?!?

I suggest he volunteers for a new space program I’ve just now decided to fund, where we tie him to a rocket, and then send it to the fucking sun.

No, I didn’t titter. I just hung my head in shame at the fact, even though I’m an adult female and I hate the slang words people use for vaginas, the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw that word was vagina. i feel so juvenile.

Preferably I would like my (potential) world leaders and my comedians to be smarter than I am. Sadly, I am often disappointed. Sadder still, it’s not because I’m all that smrt.

Oh, come on—you can’t just post the GIF!

I was just thinking, “mysterious gash” is a personal nickname.

Accurate. Oliver to Trump:

Sometimes I think that Donald Trump’s people are like Mona Lisa and Jean Ralphio from Parks and Recs. They say things Trump wants to hear in exchange for money.

What happened to you as a child.

I have a friend who’s committed to never wearing underwear. I was able to deduce from this that she and I have very different labia.

But that rug really tied the room together.

I mean it’s ONE banana, Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars?

Hey man, sometimes a rug can really bring a room together.

Wow I really admire your ambition and drive. I will probably feel obligated to shave my legs sometime in the next 3-5 months and I will fight myself on it for like 2 weeks before it gets done. The worst is waiting this long and having to wash the razor with each pass because of the leg sweaters.

Everyone I know who was born with a hyphenated name either dropped part of it at some point in adulthood, generally prior to marriage, or kept the hyphenated name and married someone who didn’t alter their name at marriage.

Exhibit A:

She offered to fax her emails. FAX. Her EMAILS. Smdh.