So that really is a gold digger.

You quaint, simple fool. You just don’t understand British soccer.

Well thank god you’re not a celebrity, life would be so boring.

How does Tammy feel about Chelsea’s racist fans? Or racist ass John Terry?

This gives a whole new meaning to the nickname “The Bulgarian Brute”

He does share my father’s love of doing drugs.

The story contains Art Briles.

Yes, exactly. It’s the same as the rest of their platform:

I would much prefer all dead over paralyzed.

That’s because Thunder Dan is the fucking man

Which reminds me that Stevie Y deserves to be on my list.

Mrs. Genius sounds like a lot of fun. No wonder you are Very Stable!

But there’s a difference between being in good shape and being able to run for any length of time at a respectable pace. I’ve met many gym rat lifters that wouldn’t be able to do a 1/4 mile without acting like they were having a heart attack.

You might be a redneck if...

Perogies are significantly harder to find in the freezer aisle than ravioli. They could be with the pasta (similar shape) or the potatoes (what they’re made of) or the ethnic food (Slavic or something?) or the odds and ends. Sometimes they're with the Frozen bread. I have no idea why. 

Also, many of the homeless are vets, so being nearby VA services where they can access their fairly earned benefits (this means usually they need to be in major or medium sized cities) plays a part too.  As does weather.

Good job preemptively naming Bo Jackson, and can we also stipulate Barry Sanders?

What professional athlete could you outrun?

Also, the idea that a governor can just end homelessness with the flourish of his quill is patently absurd.