I drank that once when I was 20 and haven’t shit right since....I’m now 44.

and maybe Villanueva

If all the racist, misogynist, nativist, white supremacist pieces of MAGA garbage actually won every front of the culture war, the males of the species would all be emulating Ben Roethlisberger.

At least the Lions had the good sense to put a decade or so between chasing off their HOF RB and WR.

I feel like the only thing you got right was counting to three successfully.

Yes, the six seconds includes four seconds of desperately and impressively dodging the sack, until the inevitable.

“Country music is a hate crime.”

Up next: The Washington Sentinels!

“Hey, I wish there was a city that had Dallas’s urban planning, but also drunken bachelorettes!”

Well, at least no one’s dad died watching the Titans lose!

Nashville is the spiritual home of every suburban girl who claims to be “country at heart” because she owns cowboy boots and her parents are racist.

St. Louis Morans

Hunter, Conner, and Keighleay, and two years of community college, at most.

I think that the 1999 game burned itself into his mind and he was prime for brainwashing by Herman Cain’s 9/9/9 atrocity of a tax plan. Was he just mumbling “Nine... nine” all the time?

I grew up around Packers and Vikings fans but didn’t get into the NFL until I went to college in New Orleans. You could salt Carthage 3 times over with what I get from Vikings fans on social media when I post about the Saints. Still. A decade later.
I get it Jordan, you’re upset that you sold your soul and hinged your…

Well if that’s not proof that QBR is an extremely important and useful statistic, I don’t know what is. 

Now, wait a second. You doctors have been telling us to drink eight glasses of gravy a day!

Seriously, they are the party of random celebrity politicians. They don’t get that most liberals are embarassed by people like Gwyneth Paltrow and wouldn’t want her to run for office

HAHAHA I was going to say something similar. Does he not know that seven is less than eight??

I have an idea for his official campaign song: