At least you would have gotten to have a say in things! I feel you and your feelings on what happened.

If I was reading the thread correctly (which I admit I may not have because this is one loooooong thread!) I believe she did say that she would have preferred that her husband had at least talked with her about the option of opening their marriage before he cheated. I don’t know that she would have agreed but it is…

I truly think that what you did was awesome and I’m glad you’ve found the life you want. I have zero judgment for people who live their life without hurting others, even if it isn’t the “norm.” (which let’s be honest - what the fuck is the norm nowadays?)

I don’t think it is a question of people not being allowed to change their minds after X number of years. I get what annabee is saying that instead of cheating, you just want your partner to come to you and talk about issues that arise.

Look there is a lie like this, No, those pants don’t make your ass look big, and a lie like claiming you are in a monogamous relationship and then engaging in sex with someone other than your spouse. One is a vastly more damaging one.

Well, yes, it probably does. But that doesn’t make it RIGHT.

I am actually not opposed to polyamory/open relationships as long as both people are on board. I know a lovely couple that decided to open their relationship after a decade married. Of course there are agreed upon parameters to the relationship, but they are quite happy with their decision. That is why I am always…

Even if there are hysterics, it is still a thought that the person wanting to cheat needs to have with their partner. If the person has hysterics etc, I guess they cheater would have their answer and be free to move along to a relationship that will fit their needs.

My point though is, even if hysterics are part of it, it is still a conversation that needs to happen because a hallmark of being in a relationship is being honest with your partner.

With my friends, I think it is awesome that they have defined their marriage in a way that works for them. I know I could not do an open relationship, but I admire them for doing what they needed to do to ensure that their marriage stayed happy.

Like you and your husband, my husband and I have no interest in opening…

I think in rare instances that there can be relationships that can survive and thrive after infidelity. Definitely if both partners are committed and truly love each other. But again ... rare :)

She was addicted to that “new” relationship excitement and only felt attractive when someone other than her husband was…

I agree - the problem is when people think that their partner will be everything in the world to them. A dangerous thought! I like English football. My husband doesn’t. I have male friends that serve as my outlet when I want to talk about it/watch matches. My husband understands this utterly. He also knows that I…

I love that you pointed out that cheating can occur in open relationships as well. I know a couple who decided to open their marriage after a decade together and they do have defined parameters.

When people claim that it is hard to discuss opening a marriage after being monogamous I say that it IS possible. I know…

One former friend cheated on her husband (full on sexual affairs) with four different men over the course of 6 years. Her husband knew about two of them and stayed with her. It was a truly shitty relationship with him holding the affairs against her and her staying and complaining about not being trusted before…

Oh I have no doubt that the people I knew who cheated were assholes. Each and every one of them did many other things beyond cheating that solidified that sobriquet :D

My mom insisted on keeping my dress at her house because I said I was going to donate it to Goodwill. Several years after my divorce, she finally let me make good on that idea :D

You are kind of asking me to prove a negative here. How can I talk about something that may not have ever happened within my circle?

I have to tell ya .. I’ve known many a cheater in my life and every single one of them did it numerous times, even though they claimed they would never do it again after getting caught.

So I’m going to agree to some extent, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” At least if we are talking about people who somehow manage…

You are correct, I am thinking about this in the terms of a sexual encounter because to me that is what cheating constitutes. Sure, there are people that would consider a kiss cheating. I’m not necessarily one of them. If my husband confessed to a mistaken kiss, I would be a bit concerned and want to talk about why he…

What now? I think we had a miscommunication. I mean that if you WANT to have an affair, if you want to in essence open your relationship, you should be honest about that before doing it. That gives the other person the right to say sure and stay with you or decide that that isn’t the kind of relationship they want.