As a former waiter, port ALWAYS makes me giddy to talk about!

Nice use of "general asshattery". Please post European stories!

This is the best part of Monday! Thanks.

I disagree with all except eating on the bus. Fuck you and your ripe repast.

You know what else keeps guac from going brown? Eating that shit all up right away. (And sometimes a metric fuck-ton of fresh limeand lemon juice.)

Yeah, I can see why Travis might be confused too.

I generally order perfect Manhattans; it's a standard order. Really any cocktail that is called "perfect" is asking for equal parts sweet and dry vermouth. Get out your Mr. Boston's before your next bartending gig!

But did you correct the server? I ask, because I wonder if this person just had a brain fart or actually meant to call them artichokes?

Yoghurt and granola here! (The "h" makes me extra-elitist.)

Some people spend their entire lives eating cereal out of those mini-boxes and a carton of milk, dontcha know.

Awww, but you punished her co-workers and not her.

I was thinking the same think about Mario Lopez.

The waitress could have evaluated the situation before assuming anything by simply walking outside and talking to the group.

My grandparents are the nicest, kindest, most loving people on the planet. They made my father.

Yeah. Everything I read about him makes him sound like a genuinely good guy. I like that.

Wait, someone gave you a blowjob machine? Could we link to that?

He still had the Bronco!?!?

I spit a snot loogie in the toe of all four of the shoes...

Barney Frank naked reading the newspaper in the gym lockerroom. Seriously, no one needs to see all that scrote.

More cute than insane. Waiting back stage at the Kennedy Center Honors, just me and Tom Hanks. He was waiting for his cue to enter, and I was the first to places for the choir entrance. Mr. Hanks was watching the backstage monitor as the house camera panned the audience. When the camera landed on Rita Wilson, Mr.…