Confession: I read the first two paragraphs and skipped to the last, only to have to return and read what I missed to get the joke. I'm an awful person.

I've been retro-gaming and playing "RollerCoaster Tycoon" this past week. First thing I thought of was what it looks like to pick up a person in the game and move them around the park.

I was thinking the same think about Mario Lopez.

The waitress could have evaluated the situation before assuming anything by simply walking outside and talking to the group.

Hmmm.... I don't see a blender for margaritas, or at the very least a cooler for beer and champagne.

My grandparents are the nicest, kindest, most loving people on the planet. They made my father.

Yeah. Everything I read about him makes him sound like a genuinely good guy. I like that.

Wait, someone gave you a blowjob machine? Could we link to that?

He still had the Bronco!?!?

I spit a snot loogie in the toe of all four of the shoes...

Barney Frank naked reading the newspaper in the gym lockerroom. Seriously, no one needs to see all that scrote.

More cute than insane. Waiting back stage at the Kennedy Center Honors, just me and Tom Hanks. He was waiting for his cue to enter, and I was the first to places for the choir entrance. Mr. Hanks was watching the backstage monitor as the house camera panned the audience. When the camera landed on Rita Wilson, Mr.…

Man, this cat is gonna die from diabetes before anything sticks to him.

Or their age. (Which is often how "Mr./Mrs./Ms./Miss are used to show immediate deference to an older person or a perceived class.)

It's like you are the center of the universe and the porn rotates around you. I've never participated in an orgy myself, but I can't imagine that's how it works.

But really, who cares. The only equipment you care about is attached to the actors.

So this is Britain's way of apologizing for the Cadbury Creme Egg Controversy of 2015?

And then those people will realize that it's not 1946 and instead think of toys and Christmas Markets.

Yeah, I don't know. I was just trying to defend the laziness of the OP. I guess if you're in the line at McDonalds or somewhere in public where you might look like a dick talking to your phone.

Well, if you're trying to be subtle about it, yeah, might be.