So, you’re trying to make a Rom Com, then?

“TJ McConnell”: Please admit me to your area. I play for the 76ers

Ahem, you seem to have forgotten “Film Producer for Werner Herzog” on the list of Elton Brand accomplishments.

Some people in the greys are boring liberal scolds like myself, who enjoy Old World wine, Multicultural Cuisine, Australian-style Gun Control, and being completely ignored in the Deadspin comment section.

Is there a way for me to give that a negative star?

Tyler: Mom, I know I disappointed you with this embarrassing scandal.

With Scott O’Neil running our business operations, you are in good hands. I can assure you that when your team is eventually able to compete deep into May, Scott will ably and efficiently separate the good people of the Delaware Valley from their wallets on your behalf. Worry not.

The only positive part of this happening is that Rogers, the Evil Empire, spent a shit-ton of money stealing the broadcast rights from the CBC, and now will have to suck up the ad revenue losses due to fewer Canadian viewers.

Amen, Hamilton, amen. I would also add that after victory, it is essential to thank God since he is the one who made this all possible.

I ask this with immense fondness: u mad

He rented ‘Freddy Got Fingered’?

Burying the lede: Tom Green still has two hundred bucks!

For zero American dollars you can walk right up to a horse, any horse will do, and whisper, "I must become a muscle king." The horse will drop kick you to the Realm of the Sweaty Emperor, where you will do power squats until your legs are massive enough to affect the tides. Once you've lifted every weight in the Realm…

They eventually reached an agreement, it got donated to charity. A-Rod is a man of the people.

Sexually propositioning a woman and her mom at a stoplight?

Star Trek: TNG: Tapestry. That was enough to both convince me that we should, simultaneously, desperately wish to change the impetuousness of youth while refusing to do so.

Ramona Shelburne needs to do a piece on the godforsaken horror show that is ESPN’s NBA broadcasting team. Jon Barry? Mark Jackson??? Chris motherfucking Broussard??????? Mark Jones, Hubie Brown & Doris Burke can stay. The rest: GONE.

Nice.