Now is my time to shine and I got nothing.

Sure, anybody can take anybody to court about anything. But Smith was suspended under the Substances of Abuse policy, which was agreed to by both the NFL and NFLPA and precisely lays out a schedule of punishments. In the Peterson, Rice, and Brady cases, the basic argument is that Goodell exceeded the authority vested…

Just change Europe to USA and Muslims to Irish and you could easily imagine this comment is from 1840.

The toaster one reminds me of the time one of the librarians smelled food and tracked it down to a woman who was sitting at a reading desk with a crock pot plugged in underneath it, cooking chicken stew.

As horrifying as it sounds—take off the pads and the helmets and be amazed as the number of injuries goes way, way down.

I don’t know why O’Connor is so pissed. He gets paid to cover the Jets, which is incredibly easy when Ryan Fitzpatrick or Geno Smith is playing quarterback.

Welp. fantasy sports players are requesting selfies with @darrenrovell.

Only because Lucas retconned the shit out of it. The OT really never goes into detail about how the Old Republic was overthrown/the Empire rose to power, save a few important names and events (because it wasn’t really important to the plot or theme of the OT). It was his decision to take his Space Opera and turn it…

“Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o’clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed..., eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing ‘Hallelujah.’”

When they are getting carried off on that little stretcher, if he feels well enough, the player should sit up and pretend he is paddling a canoe. It would cheer up the whole stadium.

“Trick Play. Wherever It Lands”

I have never understood why more teams do not just run the ball three times and then use “TRICK PLAY! WHEREVER IT LANDS!” on 4th down. That way you still have the option for a first down if you catch the ball.

“Call me ‘Big Dick’ Ishmael!” Ishmael cried out as synth music blared. The orgy had begun and Ishmael had only one target. The White Whale.

If all books disappear, we make high English classes rewrite them. Then we figure out who read the book and who read cliff notes. Or watched the movie. Or watched the porn version.

The sex stuff this new generation is doing is out of control. Eye play?! That’s dangerous. Someone could go blind. In my day, the only kinky thing we did was watch The Mary Tyler Moore Show while making whoopie on the sofa. If you looked at the screen at the wrong time, sure, you’d climax to Ed Asner, but the worst…

He is wearing a suicide-watch smock. It’s made of a very thick material that can cover you, without allowing you to hang yourself with it.

THE FOOTBALL PLAYER’S CAN NOW GO BACK TO DOING THEY’RE JOB WHICH ISN”T A JOB BECAUSE THEIR STUDENT’S FIRST BUT THEY GET PAYED WITH A SCHOLARSHIP, IF THEY DON’T LIKE IT THEY SHOULDN”T OF TAKEN THE JOB WAIT NOT JOB, THEIR EASILY REPLACED BUT IM UPSET AT THE IDEA OF LOSING THEM FOR SOME RASON.

Mizzou is supposed to play BYU this weekend at Arrowhead Stadium. They’re paying BYU $1 million for the game. Not getting money back from ticket sales would have hurt quite a bit. Pretty sure the Board of Directors told him to put pen to paper for disgracing the school, too. It’s not every day a university makes the…

But I thought these kids were naive and stupid and couldn’t change anything. YOU LIED TO ME, COMMENTS SECTION.

Like blankets, analogies are hard.