Anyone who has ever been in awe of William fucking Westmoreland should be banned from running for any political office for life.

In light of the topic of this article, here are some resources for anyone who needs help:

This is as important a story as Deadspin has ever done. My contempt for Hardy, Jones and Goodell is matched only by my admiration for Diana’s epic reporting.

This is beyond horrifying.

Because NFL linebackers exist.

College style offenses are terrible against professional defenses.

Cover design by Tom Brady’s courtroom sketch artist.

Approximately 42 per day. Most of these are my own questions that I ask myself, though, so there’s some solace for you.

It’s almost like you didn’t read the disclaimer at the bottom of the column.

Maybe this is our revenge for the Stamp Act, or something? IT’S THE 1-6 FUCKHOLES VS. THE 2-5 DICKJIZZ STREAMING LIVE ON ASK JEEVES!

Ever look at a pump action shotgun? The trigger is a mile behind his finger. Good job trying to look like an idiot though. Seriously, if you want to be offended maybe you should actually familiarize yourself with that which offends you. You might not be offended nearly as much.

Actually, Kansas City is also in Kansas. The street that divides the town is called State Line Ave. One side of the street is Kansas and the other side is Missouri. I’ve driven on that street many a time.

I would comment on the nature of his article itself, but I knew he was a world class bullshitter when he humble-bragged that on his very first trip to the snackateria, he managed to make his partner squirt.

A sneak peak showed the CGI doesn’t hold up as well during the rest of the movie.

How did Washington’s lawyers gain access to my browser history?

Man, you guys are making the absolute laziest Pinkham’s Law attempt I’ve ever seen with this argument. Come on. You can all do better.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

If he’s so great why is he still a horse, huh?

Because throwing a yellow handkerchief...sorry, “flag”.... in the air is a much more manly, “straight” way to call a penalty.

What, you couldn’t go with the bigger picture?