Why didn’t Ross just eat the other Friends? 

That’s rough. That’s borderline inhuman.  

Problem is they never give you enough of either. I don’t want to be penalized for the fact that I never get sick, nor do I want to feel pressure to fake being sick so I can use a sick day as a vacation day.

I’m fairly sure anything over 80 MPH in Virginia is grounds for being exiled to the island of Elba.

I know It’s not going to happen but I would like to see Goodsir and Lady Silence make it out alive they can raise little goodsirs and goodladies together.

Poor old Mr Collins should have known that drinking coca-based beverages in the polar regions attracts CGI bears.

DJ Roomba’s lesser-known cousin.

PG Roomba can pick up chalk dust OR run point. Other dude can only pick up chalk dust

That’s far too reasonable. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that you need to toss a passenger out the window every so often or you’ll never be respected.

Oh good, excellent, a chance for me, a hated millennial, to finally bitch about the next generation! Hey, you idiot teens! Don’t know know that Banana Republic needs your business? Jesus Christ it’s like you don’t even REMEMBER the Bush presidency!

Why wash your hands when you can just shoot the germs off?!?

If I understand this correctly, that makes the homeless gentlemen the good guy with a gun, and the loaf-pincher the responsible gun owner.

You only got a single payer on your GoFundMe? Damn.

But with the exception of the anachronistic setting, pretty much everything else was very likely part of David’s psyche. Like...I don’t think there was a random tree guy in the mental institution, that was David.

Take the case of an ordinary “dumb” car circa 1970. Let us consider that the same accident had occurred because the steering wheel had momentarily slipped free of the steering column due to a manufacturer’s defect, causing the car to swerve toward the divider wall. Let’s also assume that this failure was momentary and…

Looks like Stone is caught

... motherfucker...

oh my GODDDDDD get out of here with this. No, it’s not that hard. Yes, people do it all the time. Yes, popcorn and movie theatres are inseparably linked and continue to be a popular duo. No, no one is impressed that you can go to a movie and not spend any money on concessions.

Maybe a smoothie?