Not surprising. Rolling around and tackling people is just about all a 22 year-old Ohio State student is effective at.

If that’s not a metaphor for Yale’s presence on the Supreme Court, I don’t know what is.

“Intellectual Brutality, Tangible Evidence, and Stanford”

Buddy, unlike most dogs chasing a dream, Hield for too long.

Afterward, the Phillips 66 representatives had to sternly remind the commentators that “Give ‘em a lube job!” was the contractually-obligated catchphrase.

You may think this is a one-off, but I can assure you that the drive thru attendees at McDonald’s also scoff every time I roll up blasting The Victors.

Her ego’s writing checks that her Twitter account discloses.

you can make a difference once you do.

Birky Marts

The postgame celebration was allegedly held at Jack Rabbit Slims.

I plan to leave the pitch when Trump gets elected, so I get it.

“I’m sorry, but former semi-professional baseball players aren’t eligible for the contest. Now, which section did you want season tickets in, Mr. Kruk?”

She stunned Andres Cantor into silence.

After the fight, Dada 5000 determined that incorporating his daily caloric intake into his nickname wasn’t really working out so well.

*This subtle advert is brought to you by the fine folks at Square Cash

A broken clock is right at least twice per day, sir butt.

I learned this after my first, fourth, seventh, and nineteenth breakups: don't EVER throw shade at Beyoncé.

Why do you have to be so selvedge and take all the good jokes?

All the Duke alums I know are shining symbols of kindness and respect. This is just SHOCKING.

Prisoner G46211 don’t care!