Matt Patricia looks like he has a closet full of shirts arranged by which type of food stains they have on them.

Probably because you didn’t read the article.

But he’s got some talent. He’s got some athleticism

I would’ve thought Deion Sanders sons would have been older than Hester’s son.

I don’t have to pee, I just get drunk on the power of inconveniencing so many people at once.

Oh get fucked. You don’t have some sort of “special understanding” of the show, you just have a pet theory to paper over poor writing. Get the fuck out of here with your smug bullshit.

You’ve totally failed to see how the party managed alleviate all of their supply problems and ridiculously level up their main fighters to the level caps AND didn’t lose any of their dragons. What they lost in aggregate HP they have more than made up for in DPS and overall stat buffs.

Tell that to Game of Thrones, which spent its first 7.2 seasons telling us that the characters who believed and acted as though “the stakes at play are the Iron Throne” were deluded fools who were missing the one true war that was staring them in the face—and then spent one episode completely flipping that and…

[reads tweet]

C.O.T.Y.

“This is the day we have prepared for. Remember your training, do not get too close, keep the butter burgers coming and do not look him in the eye. May god have mercy on us all”

This could be the whitest comment in deadspin history.

Just remember, the average Patriots fan is always angry because he spends 25 hours a day stuck in traffic because the Massachusetts driving test consists of spelling your name 90% correct and not leaving a condensation circle from your Narragansett pounder on the form.

Someone else might be available, too.

Half? You must be new here.

Because it’s so fun to watch delicate snowflakes like you cry so much every time.

I know this is a terrible way to feel, but I’m not as sad as I should be that deniers will be hurt far worse by this.

On the plus side, if his career is over, he doesn’t have to play for the Vikings anymore.

Yeah, but “Asshole calls asshole “asshole” after asshole calls asshole out on assholery” is an AWFUL headline, pronoun-wise.