wakefield referring to the somali community in minneapolis as simply “the somalis” and expressly saying he feels “no guilt” is all you need to figure out what kind of horrid person he is

Trump looks like a political cartoonist drew him, thought the caricature was too exaggerated, crumpled the sketch into a ball and threw it away. Later, under deadline, he said “Eh, fuck it, good enough” fished the sketch out of the wastebasket, smoothed it out with his hands and sent it in.

I feel like he just has a big pile of suits thrown in the corner of his bedroom in the White House that he rummages around in every morning until he finds something that matches.

To be fair, Cortney Love’s natural habitat is a smoke filled public restroom.

That would be the 0.001% who are extremely privileged and don’t give a fuck. Half of them have likely never been in a museum or gallery before to actually look at the art .... its just another venue for them to pose and drink and fool around on their cell phones.

I worked on the catering team for the Met Gala in 2008 and I was stunned to see celebrities smoking directly at the tables. Whenever I think of Scarlett Johansson I think of her puffing on a cigarette at an empty table in the center of the room with a ‘I dare you to tell me to quit’ look on her face

Or maybe just don’t smoke in any public bathrooms anywhere. Other people have asthma, allergies ect and also would like to take a piss without smelling like an ashtray at the end.

I saw those photos and was genuinely like...you get hand picked by designers to go to one of the fucking fanciest parties in the country and you go and snap selfies and smoke in the bathroom like you are at a fucking rave. What is that?

hire three recruiters

Hire three recruiters is what got me. That’s gotta be the most “let them eat cake” thing that an actual person has ever actually said.

You must not have hired the three recruiters.

The unemployment one nearly knocked me over. “Oh yeah that 2 months, I decided to sit and ponder my direction” instead of saying “I was looking for a job” - I can tell you which one I’d hire.

She advises women to be authentic in the workplace while refraining from oversharing, to negotiate salaries, and to use periods of unemployment to reflect on their goals. (She also recommends that you hire three recruiters to secure a new position.)

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III won’t be prosecuting this? Well, I need my smelling salts!

This marks the first time the Justice Department under Attorney General Jeff Sessions has declined to investigate officers involved in a high-profile shooting case like this one.

You would have dug it out of your coin purse, eh? You know, the one Velcro-ed to your fanny pack?

Oh my god - i spent 12 hours in the bahamas and no one was there to wait on me. I had to drink vodka from a bottle.

Watched until 1:38 and I want to light all of them on fire.

Genuinely can’t tell if the generic happy background music is deliberate or not.

I really want a job as an influencer. I recommend fruit flavored seltzer water, mixed breed dogs, never wearing shoes with Velcro, and Fun Dip Lik-a-Stix. Does anyone feel influenced? Give me a dollar.