+4 second place finishes

NEVER refer to someone as reaching out or having reached out when you mean contacted. They’re not the fucking Four Tops.

This story is about things that should die in 2018 and no one’s going to dare say Donald Trump? You don’t have to say that you want him assassinated. Just that he finally’s done in by say, a well done hunk of steak or an overdose of whatever meds his doc’s been slipping him though the years. Or just age- he’s old…

Always a Julian Truther on the Web.

Using “squad” to describe your lame group of friends.

Twitter is dramatically worse than Facebook, as evidenced by the fact that it is the one of the two that is the preferred tool of Donald Trump.

This restaurant is where I ate my first turduckentwisnipon- a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a Twinkie stuffed with a Snickers stuffed with a tampon. It was pretty good when liberally slathered with Tabasco-ketchup/ espresso-mayonnaise.

Forget it, Jack. It’s Flavortown.

Finding out aliens really exists is the only possible ending for 2017 when you actually think about it.

I’m marking this comment as the point kinja folds in on itself and forms a hyper dimensional tesseract.

Boy, the stealth marketing for the next season of The X-Files has really stepped it up. Which will make it all the more disappointing when the show sucks again ...

If there were aliens known to the US government, 45 would be privy to the information, and he would have blurted it out by now.

Trump didn’t realize the biggest problem with building the wall was that the illegal aliens could just levitate over it.

Are you saying that doping and not doping occurs in ...

And here I thought they had this guy dead to rights on a legit moto-doping case — for saying his last name five times fast during his last race.

“Albuterol relaxes the muscles around the bronchial tubes, which allows asthmatic athletes to breathe normally or non-asthmatic athletes to breathe easier. “

“Maybe he winds up there doing dribbles while a dude screams into a megaphone next to him.”

I just skip to about 2/3rds of the way through to skip all the bullshit and oral. Like, thanks film crew but I’m just here for the hardcore fucking.

I mean, no offense, but if I see a 9-minute *porn* clip I’m like “nah, too long.” Nine minutes of pizza-eating-and-ranking video is about 8:57 too long.

Brown robes! Creepy torches on the walls! A pentagram made of the blood spilled by Ray Lewis on the floor! Chants of ‘Little Red Rule-Book, Little Red Rule-Book’ from the owners as Jones took in the evil spirit!