this is one story that won’t just run out of gas.

sadly that sort of behavior is “strongly discouraged” by my human resources person.

I keep this clip on my phone, to be viewed immediately before staff meetings.

throw in taco trucks on every corner and you’ve got both my votes

[sustained applause]

Neil Diamond is currently in Europe on tour so I doubt that’s really him.

or a literal Gatorade bottle, emptied of fruity-punch sugar goodness and tossed when it gets too gross

If only they’d brought a Higgins to smooth things over.

+1 eyebrow wiggle

As a former Gator, I stand and salute you, sir

I hate you for exposing my immediate inner thought.

I have to double-select the “show pending” to see the greys. Which is where I’m bumbling around anyway.

So did Michael Jackson.

THIS is good kinja.

I don’t like myself for it, but every time I see a photo of Steve Bannon I think “that guy is a human herpes sore.”

For god’s sake, my mother knows this is photoshopped, and she routinely asks me if the hamsters in the Kia ads are real.

THIS

you beat me to that. Should have read all the way down.

Technically speaking, Hamilton only has one post: “Everything Sucks and I’m Angry”. He’s just doing the Goldberg variations on it.

The only reason twitter will be allowed to exist once I seize world power is so I can read the Iron Shiek’s feed at 3am. It’s the good shit.