EVERYONE HE HAS SEX!!!!!!! DID YOU HEAR THAT???????? HE HAS SEX!!!!!!

HE HAS SEX GUYS DO YOU HEAR THAT HE HAS SEX?????????

Anna Merlan, you are an absolutely incredible journalist. No snark here. I hung on to every last word.

oh thank goodness you've come to enlighten us.

I knoooow!!!! Jez used to be that way but somehow it's sweetened up a bit. The xoJane comments are just packed with meanies that I sometimes scroll through for funsies because I hate myself.

I wrote an essay about coming to terms with singledom and my editor used a picture of a woman staring out the window holding a cat as the image which I feel like sorta sealed my fate. Fine by me. My cat's an ass hole but I've met worse men.

are you saying one is better than the other?

I agree with you. I don't think it's too terribly creepy. My father is a really, fair honest person who treats my mom with so much love and respect and they have a really incredible partnership and have raised three kids who are all very different from each other which I think is a credit to their parenting. I look…

I dated a guy who drove a serious lemon and the passenger door only opened on the outside. So whenever we arrived somewhere I would sit and wait for him to come around to the side and open it for me and people would just be appalled at my entitlement. I also dated a guy who told me that he knows a woman is a keeper if…

Once I rented a tuxedo to Sam Elliot!!! He was very nice and kinda gruff which is great because that's how I've always idealized him in my head.

Spending the rest of my day on somuchpun.com kbye

Jezebel Shero #1 of 2015 I think.

I totes forgot about Cat Marnell! To the xoJane archives I go!

Am I crazy for thinking she looks fucking awesome here? This is power dressing 101.

I've always wished I were a red head if only for the ability to rock dark green like nobody's business.

Right?? Seriously good power move.

Jason Segel and I weren't quite ready to share our news with the public and I really wish you'd respect our privacy more during the budding, more vulnerable stages of our romance.

At least she's not afraid to say "vagina." If there was any of that "lady parts" business my eyes would roll so hard they'd fall from my face.

Once I was hiking on a first date with this super saintly dude and we passed a $50 bill on the ground and I wanted to grab it so, so badly and would have were it not for this man standing next to me thinking out loud about how to find the money's original owner. There was no second date and I still wish I'd taken the…